


When Order Meets Chaos

by IllegalCerebral



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beating, Break Up, Bullying, Complicated Relationships, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Developing Friendships, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Food, Found Family, Friends as Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Graduate School, He gets better, Jane Foster Loves Science (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Past Jane Foster/Thor, Physical Abuse, Sibling Rivalry, Thor Is A Bad Bro, Thor is a dick, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26693107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: Science is straightforward, safe and reliable. Unlike Grad student Jane Foster’s personal life. Her kind of boyfriend has returned from being sent abroad as punishment and just when she’s struggling with whether the relationship works for for her she runs into a mysterious stranger who insists on drawing her when she’s trying to think. That’s only the beginning and soon Jane is drawn into some family drama while grappling with her own conflicted feelings.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Jane Foster & Loki & Darcy Lewis & Maria Rambeau & Carol Danvers, Jane Foster/Loki, Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **I do not give permission for this work to be copied and reposted on any other platform. If you see this work anywhere other than here or my tumblr (@illegalcerebral) it has been STOLEN**
> 
> The story will be updated every Monday and Friday

Jane always thought the most wonderful time of year on campus was over the summer when all the students returned home or prepared to move out of halls and only the graduate students and staff were left. Sure the student union was never open, the coffee shop shut at three rather than seven and there were few interns available to help in the lab but there were never any lines, the library was deserted and the entire place was bathed in the most peaceful quiet.

Most of the time. This morning Darcy had set off the fire alarm again due some stupid bet regarding a Masters student, whipped cream and the department’s second best telescope so the building had been evacuated and they weren’t allowed back until security had done a sweep of the building. It didn’t matter how many times Darcy tried to explain there was no threat or she half-heartedly apologised to Jane. In frustration Jane took herself as far away as she could get and settled down by the lake behind the student accommodation.

The soft sound of the breeze in the trees soothed her frazzled nerves. Jane could feel edges of her frustration softening as she took out her notebook and began to scribble. First it was just chunks of formulae and fragments of star maps and then slowly they began to coalesce into something bigger, more connected. It wasn’t that time stopped or slowed down when Jane worked, it was more like time stopped existing and all her problems along with it. 

The sun was high in the sky by the time Jane finished. Her back was hot and her legs aching from being crossed. Grudgingly she began to stand and stretch only to hear a groan of frustration behind her.

“Hey” turning round quickly, Jane stumbled, almost losing her balance until a hand reached out to steady her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you”

“Well…you did” Jane snatched her hand away, brushing grass off of her jeans, “Were you sitting there watching me the whole time?”

The man raised an eyebrow at her accusatory tone, his lips quirking into a smile. There was something familiar about the man but for the life of her Jane couldn’t place him.

“No. Well I suppose technically yes but I wasn’t watching you I was studying you. There’s a difference” his voice was silky and for reasons she couldn’t quite articulate, a fluttering erupted in Jane’s chest. Nope, she did not like that one bit.

“Studying? What like I’m some kind of-of…” the words wouldn’t come and there was nothing that Jane loathed more than not having the ability to articulate what she wanted. 

The man held up his hands in mock surrender and it was then that Jane noticed the book in his hand. He opened it and handed it to her and Jane’s anger gave way to surprise.

“Still life” the man explained, his voice gentle, “I sketch sometimes when I’m stressed or struggling with a problem and usually it’s landscapes or still life because no one ever actually comes down here. When I saw I you I decided to take advantage.”

Jane raised an eyebrow and the man chuckled.

“Poor choice of words.”

“These are…” Once again the words escaped her. In a few strokes of a pencil he had managed to make her look beautiful. There was a kind of determination in the way she held herself but also a freedom, a softness. There was no way she actually looked like that. 

“They’re rudimentary” the man shrugged. 

“No they’re good! Honestly, that’s what shocks me. You’ve made me look…nice.” _Ugh great Jane, very comprehensive._ “You’re very talented.”

“There’s no such thing as talent” the man took the book from her, tucking it into a satchel slung on his shoulder, “there’s only hard work and dedication.”

“Thank you!” Jane exclaimed, “I tell my intern Darcy that all the damn time. She thinks that some people are just born with this understanding of astrophysics and that why we get into it and I tell her ‘actually no. Some people actually read and learn the calculations and go to lectures and’-oh god I’m rambling again aren’t I?”

“I’m sensing you’ve wanted to vent for a while?” He tilted his head like he was examining Jane but his gaze was soft. That strange feeling skittered in Jane’s chest again but she pushed it down. The man was handsome, ridiculously so. Those cheekbones alone should be classed as a hazard. But Jane couldn’t afford to let herself be distracted by something as shallow as looks, especially since she was kind of dating someone. Kind of. Not really, but enough that flirting with a complete stranger felt sort of…icky.

“Just one of those days” Jane took a step back, “I’m sorry I disturbed you”

“You didn’t” the man shook his head, “I had almost finished but then you moved”

“Oh” Jane wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Like I said, it was just a sketching exercise. It can stay unfinished but I would like to draw you properly if you don’t mind”

“Oh I don’t know…”

“Fair enough” he smiled, “It can be an odd experience sitting for a portrait. It was nice meeting you anyway.” Jane had been steeling herself for a debate, there was an odd feeling of something being unresolved as the man walked away.

“I, uh, bye.” 

The man stopped, looking thoughtful for a moment before pulling out the book again and flipping to the picture. He tore the page out and handed it to Jane.

“Why?” Jane took it gently, fingers brushing the outline of her own face on the page.

He just smiled and gave a small wave before striding off. He moved with a kind of easy grace, like a swimmer or a dancer and without meaning to Jane caught found herself watching every movement.

 _I am such a creep._ She shook her head and made her way back to the department in hope that she might be able to get into her office. 

When she got there Darcy was in a full-blown argument with another woman. A third hovered behind them, hands on hips and lips pressed into a grim line. Inwardly Jane groaned, Damage control was part and parcel of supervising Darcy but it was hard when she usually agreed with who ever Darcy had pissed off.

“Everything okay here?” 

“No” the tall woman whipped round, “Your intern ruined months of hard work. Her stupid prank set of the sprinklers in our lab and its wrecked”

“I didn’t-“ Darcy began but Jane held up a hand.

“I can’t apologise enough” Jane began, “We have zero budget but I will try and replace as much as possible” The woman opened and closed her mouth, clearly expecting more of a fight.

“Jane!” protested Darcy, “You aren’t even paying me, but there’s cash for that?”

“You get credits and those credits are conditional on you actually contributing to our project – which she also ruined by the way!” Jane glanced back at the woman before turning back to Darcy “And not playing around.”

“The equipment can be cleaned up,” the second woman stepped forward, “It’s the paperwork and research papers that are the problem.”

“Then Darcy will help you clean up and try and replace the notes.”

“What?!”

“You can split your time between the astrophysics lab and-“ Jane didn’t actually know who these people were. The labs were assigned at the start of each year to any grad students with large projects that required their own spaces to house equipment and run experiments.

“Aeronautics” the second woman held out her hand, “I’m Maria.”

“Jane, you’ve met your new intern Darcy” The first woman snorted. Darcy looked like she was going to explode but one sharp look from Jane sent her storming back into the building. Jane turned back with a sigh. “I really am sorry. She means well but she can get kind of out of hand.”

“Let me guess” Maria smiled, “No one else applied for the internship?”

Jane shook her head. Learning that no one else found her research as exciting as she did was a tough pill to swallow. Darcy was only here because she needed the credits to graduate.

“It sucks” Maria nodded, “I didn’t even get an intern so Carol has been helping me while working on her own stuff.”

“The things I do for love,” the other woman sighed but there was a genuine smile of her face. It was nice to see, Jane thought.

“Well you can get Darcy to help out,” said Jane, “I swear she’s not a total hindrance around the lab and I’ll help you guys clean up”

“That’s sweet of you,” said Maria. The three of them headed inside the building. The place had been built in the sixties and hadn’t been repainted since about 1988. The lino was lime green and everything looked sickly under fluorescent lighting. Cream paint was flaking off of the walls and their footsteps echoed as Jane said goodbye to her new friends at the bottom of the stairs.

“You know sometimes we throw a social in the lab to blow off some steam at the end of the week” said Carol, “You should come along. It’s good for Maria to have some fellow nerds to hang out with.”

“And it’s a good influence on Carol. Stops her being such a jock”

“I’ll do that” Jane grinned. Despite being here for two years already this was the first social invitation she’d gotten. Sure the professors sometimes put on drink evening or lectures but this was different. _Be cool, be cool, be cool._ Inside though she was doing a happy dance.

Given how terribly this day had started it was a pleasant surprise how good she felt. Jane pulled the drawing out of her own bag as she made her way back to the lab. Would it be okay to pin it up behind her desk? Maybe not. It didn’t help that she couldn’t find the words to name the feelings that overtook her when she looked at it. 

“Jane visitor!” Darcy bellowed from one of the workbenches without looking up. The warm feeling drained away as Jane braced herself for another argument of some sort. To be fair to Darcy it wasn’t always because of her. Sometimes the professors would come down and berate her for not doing ‘serious’ research and sometimes under graduate students would complain about getting bad grades on their papers. If Jane had known that there was so much social interaction involved with academia she would have become a lighthouse keeper. 

“What can I – Oh, Thor. I thought you were away for the summer?”

“I’m back!” He grinned like he was just delivering the greatest news ever. 

“That’s good” Jane put her stuff down, “How are things with your Dad?” The smile faltered a little and Jane felt a pang of sympathy. “Sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no it’s fine” a stretched smile plastered Thor’s face, “We talked. I mean he talked, I listened. He was right I needed to go away and grow up and so I went and did some charity work over the summer. It was eye opening really, I learnt so much, and it really puts into perspective how much we have compared to some people”

“That sounds…eye opening.” 

“It was. I feel like a completely different person now.”

“Good.”

The silence hung awkwardly between them, Thor’s grin fixed to his face as Jane shuffled backward and forwards.

“So…” Thor continued, “I thought maybe we should talk about us, about where we were before I went away?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. We’ve both been through a lot over the past year,” said Jane, “We don’t really know each other.”

Thor’s smile faltered. 

“But…we got on really well. I know that when we first met I was kind of-“

“A dick?”

“I was going to say rough around the edges” protested Thor, “But the last few months have changed me and I want the chance to show you that.”

‘Thor…” This was all a bit too much right now. Thor was sweet and he was fun to be around and the few weeks they had been together before his father shipped him half way round the world, as punishment had been good. Jane wasn’t sure if there was anything between them long term. 

“Let me take you out” Thor pleaded, “We can have dinner tomorrow, you can tell me how you research is coming along and we can talk properly. How does that sound?”

“Fine” said Jane, “That actually sounds nice.”

“Great. I will pick you up from your place at seven,” Thor pulled Jane into a hug and then bounded out of the door. Behind him Darcy rolled her eyes.

“He is so freaking hot.”

“Don’t you have work to do?”

“For you or my other slave drivers upstairs?”

“Hey! You fucked up Darcy and you need to make it up to them” snapped Jane. Darcy rolled her eyes and flounced off. At least it was quiet again. Sitting down at her cluttered desk Jane pulled out the sketch once more before sliding it into a drawer and trying to get on with some work. No matter how hard she tried though, her thoughts kept drifting back to it. 


	2. Chapter 2

“You look fancy!” Maria jogged down the stairs as Jane emerged from her lab the next day. Her experiments had run over so she didn’t have time to go home and change before her date. Thor was due over any minute and Jane hadn’t been able to still the sense of unease creeping over her.

“Darcy lent me some stuff” Jane grimaced and waved a hand over her face, “By the way did she behave earlier when she came up to work with you guys?”

“She and Carol don’t gel at all,” said Maria “But the lab is almost back to normal and she helped us to start redoing notes. I think maybe a week of clean up tops will be all we need. Only if she and Carol don’t kill each other though”

“That’s great,” said Jane, “I’m glad she isn’t making things worse.” Maria chuckled.

“So where are you off to looking like that?”

“Ugh a date.”

“Don’t sound too excited,” said Maria, “Wait, you aren’t being forced to go out with some douche bag are you? I box, I could beat the guy up for you.”

“No, it’s not like that” said Jane, “We kind of hooked up at the end of last year and went on a few dates but he’s been away for that past few months and he wants to give it another go and I…”

“You’re not sure,” Maria finished. There something soothing about the way she spoke. Jane had never been able to speak this way to anyone before. There was something almost dangerous about confessing her feelings out loud when she wasn’t particularly close to anyone.

“Are you okay?” Maria peered at her anxiously. Jane shook her head to bring herself back.

“Yeah sorry just kind of spaced out there.”

“Look, here’s my number,” Maria pulled out her notebook and scribbled it down, “and here’s Carol’s, she won’t mind me giving it to you. If you feel unsafe or even if you just feel like you need an excuse to check out tonight, message us and one of us will call you back and help you out”

“Wow really? I mean Thor’s not like _that_ you know.”

“I’m sure but even nice guys can be oblivious. It’s just another option if you need it.”

“Thanks” Jane’s throat felt oddly tight. Thankfully she saw Thor striding up to the main entrance; “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good evening.”

“You too,” Maria’s gaze narrowed as she turned to watch Thor. Jane felt her eyes even as she made her way outside and gave Thor a small peck on the cheek.

“Good day?”

“Yeah” Jane turned back and waved at Maria who returned the gesture. “I mean my experiment kind of overran but I think I’m on the right track.”

“That’s great!”

“Yeah I guess” Jane smiled, “It’s nice to be done for the day though. Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise” Thor almost laughed with glee, “You’re going to love it.”

Jane most certainly did not love it. The place in question was a bar off campus at the edge of town. Half the windows were boarded up and a giant ‘Under New Management’ sign hung out the front. Inside the floors were sticky and there was a distinctly medicinal smell in the air.

“What is this place?”

“It’s mine! I mean it’s ours!” Thor waved a hand and Jane’s heart sank even further when she saw Thor’s gang of friends sitting round a table. There were the obligatory awkward hellos as they approached, followed by an even more awkward shuffling as they tried to make room for Thor and Jane.

“So…you guys run this place?” Jane asked looking between them.

“It’s our new business venture. There’s nothing in town for both students and locals so we’re providing it” smiled Volstagg, “Good food and good drink.”

“There will be live music and events” added Thor, “everyone will want to come.”

“When it’s cleaned up” said Fandral, “Right now it looks like a murder scene. Smells like one too.” Jane let out a snort of laughter that earned her a slightly hurt look from Thor and a sneer from Sif who sat on the other side of him.

“These things take time though,” said Jane, hastily. 

“They do!” Thor sat up straighter, regaining his smile, “We’re planning on opening when the semester starts up again so we have plenty of time.”

“Thor that’s two weeks away,” said Jane, “Will there be enough time? You’re supposed to be returning to school as well”

“Of course there will be time” Sif cut in. She gave Thor’s arm a reassuring squeeze and Jane suppressed a groan. “Between the five of us we’ll get it done. Besides it’s not like your MA is hard.”

Jane opened her mouth to protest but was cut off by Hogun, always the most perceptive of the bunch, cutting in to ask what drinks everyone wanted. Apparently they had managed to wrangle some samples from a local brewer.

“I was promised actual food,” came a disdainful voice that Jane recognised. Thor leapt up in delight and proceeded to envelop the guy with the sketchbook from yesterday in a bear like hug.

“Great,” Jane heard Sif mutter, “That’s the evening ruined.”

“Be nice,” warned Volstagg.

“Jane, you haven’t met my brother have you?” Thor boomed. Jane’s eyes widened as she struggled for something to say. She was almost certain Thor had never mentioned a brother and though the voice in the back of her head was screaming at her to ‘yeah sure we met yesterday’ a smaller yet more persistent voice urged her to keep quiet.

Loki’s gaze was penetrating and the way his eyes roamed Jane’s face made her feel like he could see inside her skull, that all the thoughts and feelings crashing around in there were on display. In the moment before the whole thing would have become awkward his own expression smoothed over into a charming smile and Loki extended a hand.

“It’s nice to meet you. Thor has told me many wonderful things.”

“Oh” was the only thing Jane could pluck from her over stuffed head. Giddily she shook Loki’s hand (was she imagining it or did he hold on just a little too long?) and then shifted so he could sit between her and Thor. The table was far too crowded now and Fandral and Hogun headed off to round up some drinks while Volstagg tried unsuccessfully to engage Sif in conversation. Jane could feel her staring at them as Thor introduced Loki properly.

“Loki’s doing his doctorate too!” he explained, “Jane is in the Physics department.”

“That’s very impressive.”

Jane didn’t want to meet Loki’s eyes but this close together it was unavoidable. To make matters worse she couldn’t decipher his look and there was a twist of something inside her that wasn’t quite guilt and wasn’t quite embarrassment. Her lips trembled and she pressed them tightly shut like she was afraid of a betrayal.

“It is,” Thor enthused, “Jane is studying Einy… no that’s not it. Rosy bridges?”

“Einstein-Rosen bridges” Jane’s face felt hot, “Basically a wormhole”

“So like a doorway through space? Don’t look so surprised Jane.”

“I’m not surprised!” Jane protested, “Well okay I am but in a nice way. Mostly I tell people and they look confused and change the subject.”

“It’s a big thing though right?” Thor cut in, “Really important cutting edge stuff that could be used in a number of sectors.”

Why did he always have to do that? Everything became a competition with Thor. He could never see the joy of discovering something for the sake of it or to further human knowledge. Every discussion of her work led to questions about the prestige it would bring or the money she could make.

“Who cares?” Loki said, “It’s sounds fascinating!”

Jane could have sworn that Loki winked as he said that. His posture seemed more relaxed now, his smile a little less false. 

“What’s your research topic?” Jane asked. 

“I’m an art historian,” Loki said easily. He paused to inspect the bottle of beer Hogun passed to him before he pushed it into Jane’s hands and took another for himself, “But I do practice based research too. I paint.”

“He’s not half bad,” said Fandral, sitting back down next to Jane. Loki gave a shrug but there was a satisfied smile on his lips that fell away as Sif scoffed.

“I don’t know a lot about art I’m sorry,” said Jane, “Which period are you studying?”

Jane felt a pang of satisfaction at Loki’s surprise but she had no idea why. Perhaps it gave her a little control over a situation that socially right now was resembling climbing into water where you couldn’t be sure if there were sharks or goldfish.

“Early twentieth century. It’s kind of an exploration of how changes in how artists were taught and what materials and production methods were available changed art”

“That’s amazing,” said Jane, “So you’re dealing with lot of moving parts you have to weave together.”

“Yes exactly” it came out as almost an exclamation, causing a few raised eyebrows “You get it” The pair of them ignored the ‘for fuck’s sake guys’ that slipped out of Volstagg’s mouth.

The conversation descended into research methods and the differing experiences of being post grads in their respective departments. Sif got up first and the Hogun and Fandral headed off to grab a takeaway to bring back and even Thor got bored so challenged Volstagg to air hockey at the other end of the bar.

“I just feel like we’re expected to work ourselves to death as a rite of passage you know?” Jane fiddled with the third bottle of beer. Loki’s fingers brushed against hers as he took the bottle, popped of the cap and handed it back. Perhaps it was the alcohol making her light headed but she was torn between never wanting this conversation to end and a desperate need to get out. 

“It’s tough” nodded Loki, “And with the academic job market looking so terrible-“

“I’ll toast to that.”

“-it might all be for nothing anyway”

“Oh God” Jane put her bottle down and buried her head in her hands “Don’t say that. Don’t tell me I might be wasting my life. I’m too fragile.”

“I don’t think uncovering the mysteries of the universe is ever a waste of time,” said Loki, “Trying having an art degree.”

“But art is all about the human experience right? How we make sense of those mysteries of the universe, of just living and…and” she waved her hand in the air, trying to grasp the words just out of reach.

“That’s exactly right” Loki said softly. For the first time that evening he looked exactly as he had by the lake. The peacefulness was shattered by the sound of Thor crashing to the floor, the air hockey table on its side and Volstagg in tears of laughter. Jane’s sigh was echoed by Loki but she was unsure if he heard.

“I should go” she said, “It’s an early start tomorrow.”

“I’ll drive you h-home” Thor tried to stand but his legs gave way.

“That’s not happening any time soon” snorted Loki, “Hogun can you drive him back to his apartment? I’ll bring his car over tomorrow.” Hogun gave a curt nod and he and Fandral began the arduous task of pulling their friend up.

“I can take the bus,” Jane said.

”Absolutely not. I’ll drive you. I only had half a bottle. It’s too cold out.”

Jane turned to Thor. It seemed stupid to say goodnight when he was in this state. If looks could kill Sif would have her six feet under. Frustration bubbled up inside of Jane. She hadn’t even wanted to come tonight.

“Thank you Loki, that’s really kind of you.”

Outside the night was cold, the leaves crunching beneath them as they walked to a slick black car down the road.

“This is fancy,” Jane cursed herself as soon as it slipped out but Loki just chuckled.

“I consider it an art piece in and of itself but Thor says that’s pretentious.”

“I don’t know enough about cars to comment.”

“That is a very diplomatic response.”

“It’s the truth.”

“And the truth is important?” They headed back through the centre of town; the streets filled with office workers blowing off steam and drunk students enjoy cheap night out. Everything was bathed in an orange glow from the streetlights.

“That feels like a loaded question” Jane frowned, “And one that depends on context.”

“Spoken like a true scientist.”

“Wouldn’t an artist feel the same?”

“Now who’s asking loaded questions?”

Jane got the distinct impression she was being played with and what was worse she was enjoying it. 

_Get a grip Foster_ , she chided herself, _what even is this?_

Eventually they pulled up outside Jane’s building. It was actually kind of pretty, a few of the tenants had gotten together and petitioned for a community garden out the front and since it wasn’t a main road Jane sat out there sometimes and made notes. 

It probably looked tiny to Loki though. The family was rich, which went some way to explain Thor’s attitude about most things. She refused to be embarrassed about her lack of money, she was a hard worker and she turned to Loki, shoulders squared back, suddenly geared up to defend herself though for the life of Jane didn’t know why.

“Would I totally be missing the mark if I asked to draw you again?” Loki asked, his head tilted slightly.

Jane stared at him in shock, her sluggish brain struggling to come up with a response. It was becoming something of a habit with her apparently and she loathed the idea.

“I’m not making a move or suggesting something seedy,” he continued as if he hadn’t noticed her lack of response, “I need to sketch people and you have a very interesting way of holding yourself.”

“Holding myself?”

“Posture. Gait. You get this expression on your face sometimes like you’re about to scale a mountain or swim and ocean just because someone said you couldn’t. It would make for a very engaging picture.”

 _You don’t know me_ , Jane wanted to shout. It was true though and that should have made her feel exposed but it didn’t. It made her feel seen.

“I work a lot” Jane said weakly, “I’m in the lab all the time.”

“Then could I sketch you working?”

All she had to do was say no firmly but politely and that was that. Given how conflicted she felt with Thor right now it wouldn’t be a good idea to strike up this odd friendship with Loki.

“I get to the lab about 9” she said, “Would that work for you?”

“I’ll see you Monday morning”


	3. Chapter 3

“What’s he doing here again?” Darcy asked, hands on hips. Inwardly, Jane cringed.

“Observing,” she snapped, “Have you got that data set I asked for?”

“It’s printing. Why is he drawing?”

“To best capture the atmosphere,” said Loki with a grin.

It wasn’t nearly as distracting to have Loki in the lab as Jane worried it might be. He was outside waiting for her when she arrived at nine, Darcy as usual was nowhere to be seen, but for once Jane was thankful. It gave her time to take Loki round the lab, explain her research in layman’s terms, and answer his questions, of which there were many. All of them were articulate and thoughtful.

“Have you been reading up on this stuff?” she asked.

“It only seemed right to come prepared,” Loki smiled as he peered at Jane’s wall of papers. Charts and star graphs were pinned up next to pages of handwritten formulae and highlighted articles. There were also photographs of planets and stars and galaxies with certain points circled and one or two personal pictures too.

“Is that you and you father?”

Thankfully Darcy had chosen that moment to burst in and complain about cleaning Maria’s workshop all day Friday and demanding to know if Jane was planning on torturing her too.

Since then Jane had spent most of the morning dodging or waving off Darcy’s questions and trying not to sneak a look at what Loki was doing. He was a calming presence and Jane found herself envying his stillness and marvelling at how unlike Thor he was. 

Thor had been at the forefront of Jane’s mind the entire weekend. She’d received a hung-over and apologetic text Saturday morning followed by dozens of texts asking about her opinions on the bar, laying out his plans, and bragging about how brilliant the place was going to be. After the first seven or so messages Jane had switched to responding with a smiley emoji rather than words, having completely run out of ways to say “that’s great!” Sunday had been spent feeling alternatively guilty that she couldn’t be excited about Thor’s project and anxious about the whole ‘giving it another try’ thing and then angry that he hadn’t once asked how she was.

It was such a mess.

Around lunch there was a knock on the door and Carol thrust a bag full of sandwiches into the room.

“We usually eat lunch alone and Maria thought it might be nice to have a lab picnic thing.”

“Sure, let me just shove everything off here,” Jane indicated one of the clearer benches and ushered them to sit round.

“Is there enough for everyone?” Darcy shuffled from side to side.

“You like pastrami and mustard right?’ Carol held up a wrapped sandwich and Jane thought Darcy was about to cry with happiness, “We picked up a mix for everyone else as well as extra, which it looks like we need. Who are you?”

“This is my friend Loki,” Jane said, “He’s…observing my work in the lab.”

“Are those yours?” Maria pointed to the pile of drawings beside him. “Those are amazing!” Before Loki or Jane could say different, everyone was leafing through them. Jane hadn’t actually had the opportunity to look through the pictures yet and she froze as Darcy passed her a sketch of her hunched over her workbench, repairing some equipment. Despite the severe look of concentration on her face the lines were soft and strong. Did her lips really look that…plump? 

“Who’s the guy who drew the girl in the shell?” Carol asked. She held up a picture of Jane, hands on her hips by the window. “That what this looks like, minus the shell.”

Jane let out a kind of squeak, as her face grew hot. This was not the sort of attention she was used to.

“That was Botticelli painting the goddess Aphrodite,” explained Loki. God, he seemed to be enjoying this. 

“Oh really,” Maria glanced over at Jane. “The goddess of love.”

“Makes sense, Jane is kind of a babe,” said Darcy between mouthfuls of sandwich.

“I am not!” 

Maria and Carol scoffed simultaneously but Maria at least seemed to sense it was all becoming a bit much for Jane and handed out the rest of the sandwiches along with cans of soda and bags of chips. Thankfully the conversation drifted to less personal topics and the strange panic that had overtaken Jane gradually subsided.

“So” Maria shifted to sit beside her, her voice low so it went unheard by Loki, Darcy, and Carol who were chatting.

“So?”

“How was your date on Friday night?” Maria asked. Jane’s face fell. “That bad?”

“No, no not at all,” Jane drummed her fingers against the table top, “He has a new business venture he was excited to show me and his friends were there.”

“So not a date then,” Maria frowned.

“No,” the drumming got quicker, “and his friends hate me so…”

“What?”

“They’re not my kind of people,” Jane dropped her voice even lower, “I mean, apart from Loki.”

“Loki’s Thor’s friend too?”

“They’re brothers.”

Something that Jane couldn’t name flashed across Maria’s face and her stomach twisted unpleasantly. She struggled to find something to say that would alleviate the guilt. Most frustratingly of all she had nowhere to put it. Jane liked order and she liked having a plan but there was no strategy for dealing with this because she couldn’t even name what _it_ was. 

“People are complicated,” nodded Maria. It was not the admonishment Jane was expecting, “You deserve to be happy though.”

“I’m happy, I am” Jane insisted, “I have my work and this thing with Thor…we’re still working it out.” Maria nodded.

“Just don’t wear yourself out trying to cram into a box that doesn’t fit you okay?” Maria said gently. “You’re too awesome for that.” Jane had no response. 

Maria and Carol headed back upstairs after lunch. If nothing else the animosity between Carol and Darcy was gone, they were joking and laughing even as Carol was walking out the door.

_Maria’s right, people are complicated._

For the rest of the afternoon the three of them worked in silence. The work helped Jane focus. Equations were stable and reliable and they didn’t make her question herself. The soft scraping of Loki’s pencils on paper went unnoticed expect for the moments when it stopped and she became very aware of him watching her. Jane never returned his gaze. It felt like if she did that then she would be crossing a line.

Loki came back to the lab the next day and then he came back later that week. The following week he was there three days. Mostly he would draw and sketch Jane at work but he did a couple of Darcy too which delighted her. Sometimes he would make copies of diagrams and photos relating to Jane’s work and the detail took her breath away. the pictures of her she still found too flattering, too…appealing. 

At first whenever Loki visited Carol and Maria would pop down with food and then Darcy sprung for pizza for them all one time. Or she flirted with the guy at the takeout place to get them extra but either way. Then they started coming down on the days Loki wasn’t there and sometimes they would get food at the canteen on campus or just share whatever they had made that day. For the first time Jane was actually taking breaks for lunch and soon they became the part of the day she looked forward to most. Carol had wild stories to suit every occasion and she and Maria were so in love it was sweet to hear them gush about each other. Darcy was funnier than Jane had ever given her credit for too. Loki could talk about anything but mostly he listened and would ask insightful questions. He get anyone to tell him anything, Jane noticed after a while, drawing out their secrets like a treasure hunter. It should have been frightening but it wasn’t.

A couple of weeks after Loki had spent the entire Friday at the lab while Jane grappled with some infuriating data she was struggling to make sense of but oddly she wasn’t frustrated.

“It’s five, I’m off!” Darcy declared. Her voice cutting through the silence made Jane start. They’d only eaten lunch an hour ago, it couldn’t be five already. Except it was of course. 

“Thanks for your work today,” Jane said with a smile. Darcy beamed at her in response before waving goodbye to Loki and bounding out.

“She thinks a lot of you.”

“Does she?” Jane wondered, “I always thought she found me boring.”

“How could anyone possibly find you boring?” Loki laughed. It was a warm sound.

“Thor never asks about my work anymore,” Jane said, then immediately regretted it as Loki’s face fell. “I mean that make sense what with the business and everything.”

“I suppose,” the words were drawn out, like Loki didn’t quite believe them. “He does care though Jane. When our father sent him away he wanted to stay for you.”

Jane swallowed and absently began to tap her pen on the stack of papers she had been scribbling on. 

“I didn’t know about that. For me one day he was here and everything was fine and the next day I got a text saying he was volunteering with some charity somewhere building a hospital. I didn’t hear from him for four whole months!”

Loki opened his mouth then closed it again.

“I’m really sorry,” said Jane, “It’s not fair of me to talk about him like that with you. He’s family.”

“Mostly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the question came out before Jane could stop herself.

“I’m…adopted,” he said slowly, “I found out a couple of years ago. Things have been…” he waved his hands around, “Odd since then..”

“That must have been hard for you. You had no idea?”

“None, though I suppose now a lot of things make sense. I don’t really look like anyone else in my family. We aren’t into the same things, though my Mother loves art. I still never really felt like a fit in with them though and I guess this is why.”

Jane looked down at her clasped hands, wishing she could summon something kind or supportive to say.

“Please don’t feel bad,” when Jane looked up Loki was smiling kindly at her, “I learned to deal with it.”

“How?”

Loki gave a small laugh, his own gaze dropping to the floor.

“Do you want to grab something to eat?” he asked before Jane could prod him further.

What Jane wanted was to scold him for changing the subject but she knew it was unfair to expect Loki to bare his soul in order for her to alleviate her own problems. 

“There is a really good pizza place round the corner,” said Jane, “Like seriously it’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“Lead on.” 

Despite not being overly familiar with each other’s respective disciplines it was so easy for the pair of them to share stories and ideas, to explain the concepts they were interested in and the passions that spurred on their work. Before they knew it they had devoured their food and polished off a bottle of wine between them and the restaurant was getting ready to close. 

“You’re right that was amazing.” Loki paid the bill despite Jane’s protests and the two of them headed into the night. The wine was making Jane feel warm and fuzzy but the cold air cut through the happiness like a knife. 

“Are you okay?” Loki asked.

“I think I need to break up with you brother,” Jane stopped in the middle of the street, “Oh God I shouldn’t dump that on you. We’ve had an amazing night and today has been wonderful and-“

“Is that why?” Loki asked quietly. Jane frowned. “I mean is that why you’re thinking of breaking up with Thor? Because of this?”

“What? No. I mean…” God, Loki looked hurt. In a flash his features smoothed over from pain to intrigue or interest. It was like he had detached himself from the conversation in an instant. Jane’s head started to spin. Was that why she wanted to dump Thor? She did like Loki, really like him. “We’re very different people.”

“You and me?”

“Me and Thor,” Jane sighed, “Please, I feel awful enough as it is. Like I’ve led him on. I really wanted to make it work but-“ Loki’s shoulders sagged a little, the look of hurt briefly returning as Jane’s eyes began to sting. This was the last time she was going to drink ever. 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Thor’s my brother, I love him dearly but…” For a moment the two of them just stood there.

“Hey,” Jane jumped at the familiar voice. Sif strode up to them, a suspicious look on her face. Jane hoped that the sinking feeling that overcame her didn’t translate onto her face.

“Sif,” Loki barely concealed the distaste in his voice, “What brings you to this part of town? I thought you’d be at the bar helping out.” Sif’s eyes narrowed as she looked between the pair of them and Jane couldn’t help but feel guilty which in turn made her mad.

_I haven’t done anything goddamn it._

But she wanted to. Several times during the meal she wanted to grab Loki’s hand and then outside she wanted to kiss him. The realisation hit her like a truck. Jane wanted to kiss her boyfriend’s brother. More than that she wanted to hold him and tell him her hopes and dreams, her secrets and fears and she wanted to hear his in return.

God this was a mess.

Jane blinked. The whole time she’d been having an internal meltdown Sif and Loki had continued sniping at each other.

“It’s dinner between two colleagues. I was thanking Jane for her help with my project,” Loki said through gritted teeth. 

“Pretty swanky thank you,” Sif jerked her head towards the pizza place.

“I picked it,” Jane said and she hated how tiny her voice sounded. “I’m going home. I guess I’ll see you both…around.” Without waiting for a response Jane turned and headed away from them as fast as she could without running.

Feelings sucked.

If she broke up with Thor now would it be because of Loki? The brothers loved each other and telling Loki how she felt would cause problems. Still, Jane and Thor were too different as people and the idea of being in a relationship with him wasn’t appealing. Her work was her whole life, why the hell was she so determined to make it work with Thor anyway when she had other things going on? It should be a straightforward decision.

Except it wasn’t because deep down Jane wanted to be with someone, to be in love and share discoveries with. Thor wasn’t that person and for that reason alone she needed to end it.

Jane fired off a quick text to Thor asking if they could meet for coffee first thing. She got a long rambling reply back saying there were things going on at the bar. Judging by the spelling mistakes a repeat of the other night was underway.

“Fuck.” Jane resisted the urge to throw the phone against the wall. She hit dial instead.

“Hey Jane! Do you wanna-“

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jane blurted out. There was a silence and for a moment she thought the call had been cut off.

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean that we had a lot of fun last year and I really like you as a friend but I’m not sure this relationship is good for either of us,” Jane swallowed, “We both have important stuff going on. I have my research and you have…the bar.”

“But…I love you.”

_You don’t._

“I…I’m really sorry Thor. I still care about you but this is for the best.” Jane waited for a response but Thor hung up abruptly instead. 

_It’s for the best. It’s for the best._

It ran around Jane’s head like a mantra. It was true but that didn’t make Jane feel any less shitty. Perhaps she should have waited? The phone call had been an ambush and Thor probably wasn’t in the best state to hear that.

When was he ever though? Jane slumped down on her sofa. Her phone was still in her hand and for a moment she was tempted to call Loki despite knowing that was a huge mistake.

_“I mean is that why you’re thinking of breaking up with Thor? Because of this?”_

Jane closed her eyes and turned to bury her face in one of her cushions, praying for anything that would calm the raging in her head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for physical assault in this chapter

Jane didn’t sleep much that night. The red numbers of 3.38 am blinked at her like a taunt on her alarm clock and eventually Jane gave up, throwing on some clothes and filling up a thermos.

The night security on campus pretty much ignored her as she entered the building. It should have been creepy with the blinking fluorescent lights and the sound of her footsteps echoing around her but in the lab Jane felt calmer than she had for ages.

The wine had worn off and fuelled by coffee and a desire to ignore everything that had happened with Loki and Thor, Jane settled down to work. Science was easy compared to emotions and dating and nonsense like that. There was exploration and solid answers and a sense of direction. Science didn’t make her feel guilty or lonely.

Perhaps sleep deprivation was a good motivator because the next thing Jane knew there were footsteps in the corridor outside and her watch read 7.35am. Jane frowned, feeling slightly disorientated. There were never usually other people in the building before 9am and Jane padded over to the door.

“Can you handle the stairs?” That was Carol’s voice and Jane assumed she was talking to Maria until a familiar voice spoke.

“Yes,” Loki sounded annoyed.

“Hey dude you could have a concussion and the last thing you need is to pass out on your way up.”

“I’m fine really its-“

The both jumped as Jane flung the door open and stared up at them. In truth she barely registered Carol’s presence, all her attention falling on Loki. His left eye was black and his nose and lip were bloody. The colour drained from his face as Jane took the stairs two a time, her hand reaching out before she thought better of it.

His clothes were filthy and rumpled, a crust of blood running down the front of his shirt and his jacket torn where the sleeve met the shoulder.

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing really-“ Loki began but was interrupted by Carol. 

“He got jumped in a bar.” Looking at Carol it was obvious she’d tried to intervene, and she’d fared better than Loki. There was a red mark on her jaw that looked like it would darken into a bruise and her knuckles were bloody. “And he knew them but won’t tell me who they were,” she added, shooting an accusing look at Loki. He went to shush her but the realisation had already dawned on Jane’s face.

“Thor did this?”

“No!” Loki shook his head vehemently.

“Thor was the guy with the ponytail right?” Carol jumped in, “yeah he didn’t land a punch but he was yelling down the place. That chick was egging him on to. He threw a glass at you.”

“Over my head,” Loki said, “and I retaliated.”

“Hey man I’d shove someone if they were throwing shit at me too,” said Carol, “Look I need to fix him up, he can explain in Maria’s workshop.” As much as Jane wanted to insist that Loki explain right then and there, he looked like he was still in pain so she wordlessly followed them upstairs.

Maria’s workshop was far more ordered than Jane’s lab. Shelving was filled with neatly labelled boxes of different parts and components, one wall was plastered with neat technical drawings, and diagrams and two large whiteboards took up another one. Carol led Loki to a fold out sofa and produced a med kit. 

“So?” Jane stood, arms folded across her chest. “What happened?”

“Jane-“

“So Loki and Thor were having an argument and the angry chick-“

“Sif,” Loki said, wincing as Carol dabbed something strong smelling on his lip.

“Right Sif was jumping in and shit stirring, I couldn’t really hear the details,” Carol said apologetically, “I was on the other side of the place when I noticed the commotion.”

“Why were you even there?” Loki asked. Carol rolled her eyes

“My friend Nick works security there. Don’t try and change the subject. Anyway the argument got heated, Loki pushed Thor away, Thor grabbed hold of him and there was a scuffle. I think that Sif chick got bumped out of the way and then some other people-“

“Wait was this Volstagg and Hogun?’ Jane demanded. Carol glanced at Loki. He sighed.

“It don’t think it was intentional.”

“What? Have you seen yourself?”

“I think they were trying to separate the three of us,” Loki’s voice was small, “I shouldn’t have fought back. They probably thought I was going after Thor. It…spiralled.”

“That’s fucked up,” Carol shook her head. “There was like five of them and one of you. What should you have done? Stand there and let them beat you to a pulp?”

“There were two of me once you joined in,” Loki gave a weak smile, the movement splitting the dried cut on his lip and making a bubble of blood ooze out. He wiped it with his sleeve. “Thanks for doing that.” Carol shrugged but her smile was gentle.

“I don’t like seeing people picking on others.”

“Thor did try to stop them and it was over quickly,” Loki turned to Jane. His tone was probably intended to be reassuring but a heavy feeling was growing in the pit of Jane’s stomach.

“This is my fault,” Jane squeezed her eyes shut. She shouldn’t have been so impulsive, she should have waited until she could talk to Thor in person. 

“I should’ve know Sif would say she’d seen us together,” Loki say, “if I’d told Thor I was visiting the lab yesterday then I could have explained-“

“No I dumped him by phone!” Jane cut in, “it’s a shitty thing to do and-“

“-he’s really quite sensitive-“

“-just wanted it over you know and-“

“Wait hold up,” Carol cut in, “how are either of you at fault here? So you were dating Thor and dumped him?” she turned to Jane who nodded meekly. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Loki took me out for dinner last night to say thanks for letting him hang out at the lab yesterday. Sif saw and she must have thought there was more to it…” Jane wringed her hands together, gaze fixed firmly on the floor. 

“That’s no excuse for him to beat the shit out of Loki!” Carols threw her hands up in the air, her expression one of complete disbelief. “Nothing happened right? You aren’t fucking each other?”

“No,” Loki choked out., “and to be fair Sif has always been jealous of Jane-“

“What?”

“She’s always had a thing for Thor but never acted on it because…whatever,” Loki made a dismissive gesture, “she’s been waiting for something like that to happen so she can tell Thor and-“

“Fucked. Up.” Carol jabbed a finger towards each of them. “You can’t make excuses for that kind of behaviour. No offence, I’ve not known Jane for that long but anyone could see she wasn’t happy in their relationship but she felt she had to stay.”

It was true, Jane thought. She hadn’t been happy and she’d been afraid of hurting Thor’s feelings and he hadn’t even given Loki a chance. She headed out the door, determination radiating off of her.

“Wait Jane where are you going?” Loki called after her. Carol jogged to catch up.

“Jane!”

“Keep Loki here, please,” Jane pleaded, “I need to go find Thor.”

“After what he did to Loki. Is that safe?”

“He’s always contrite after he fucks up,” Jane said icily. “Plus this early in the day he hasn’t been drinking yet.”

There was some, microscopic satisfaction at seeing the guilty look on Thor’s face when Jane burst through the doors of the bar. His friends were nowhere to be seen thankfully. His nose was bloody, thanks to Carol but he looked a hell of a lot better than Loki did

“Hey Jane,” Thor shifted awkwardly, hands jammed in pockets. “About the call last night-“

“I’d rather talk about the beating your friends gave Loki afterwards.” 

Thor’s head dropped, his hands jammed into his pockets. A muffled sound alerted Jane to Thor’s friends shuffling in at the back of the bar. Sif in particular looked white as a sheet, eyes darting between Thor and Jane. It took all of Jane’s willpower to keep her anger in check, eyes going back to Thor, her gaze fierce like she wanted to burn a hole right through him.

“It got out of hand…” Thor said quietly. Jane scoffed.

“Loki said the same thing. He doesn’t blame you, in fact he blames himself which is crazy to me!”

“He did sleep with his brother’s girlfriend,” Volstagg retorted, earning him a range of looks that covered everything from astonishment to outrage. That last one was on Jane’s part.

“I bought him dinner to say thanks for coming to my lab. That’s it!” Jane yelled. “What kind of fucked up thinking equates dinner with sex? No wait don’t answer that,” she shot Sif a look of pure venom that made her recoil, “I know exactly who thinks like that.”

“Jane-“

“No Thor. You know what your problem is? You’re selfish, you never think about the impact you have on other people. He’s your brother, why didn’t you just talk to him? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“You hung up on me!”

“Then why didn’t you call me back when you were sober?”

“I…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah me too,” Jane sighed. “You can be so nice Thor, so much fun and so supportive and full of life but when all that stops…” She trailed off, her eyes were beginning to sting. There was nothing else to say and no one tried to stop her.

By the time she got back to Carol and Loki they had been joined by Maria and Darcy. Both were seething. Jane for her part was bone-tired, her all-nighter had started to catch up with her, not to mention the confrontation with Thor.

“How was he?” Loki asked quietly, ignoring Darcy’s look of indignation and Carol’s of disbelief.

“Hung-over,” Jane shrugged, “feeling sorry for himself and I think a little ashamed too.”

“I should talk to him,” Loki said with all the conviction of someone who wanted to do no such thing. There was collective sigh that rippled around the room.

“Some space might be better,” said Maria, “you have your own place right?”

“It’s in the same building as Thor’s place,” Loki said, “but I could probably sneak back and-“

“I have a sofa bed,” Darcy cut in, “I mean it’s super lumpy but it’s there and my housemates are crazy but they would love having a guy around.”

“We have a spare room,” Carol said with a small smile, “it’s close to campus too.”

For a moment Loki looked between them, eyes wide in disbelief. After a moment of hesitation Jane started to speak.

“You could stay at mine,” she smiled, her voice soft, “I just wouldn’t want to-“

“I know, thank you,” Loki reached out and patted her hand, “thanks all of you. But I won’t run away. It’s my home too.”

“If Thor lashes out again though what’s to stop him from hurting you worse,” Maria asked.

“For one his friends won’t be there and they did the majority of the beating up,” said Loki, “and secondly I have locks on my door and keep to a completely different schedule. It’s easy to avoid him, I usually do by accident.” Loki tried to inject a wry chuckle into that last part but looking around Jane saw everyone else looked as unconvinced and she felt.

“So movie night at yours then,” Carol laid a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll pick up snacks on the way home.”

“I have a great collection of horror movies,” said Darcy, “have you guys seen the one where the zombie aliens set up that pizzeria and then they slowly try to infect the town with radioactive pepperoni and …”

Carol and Darcy continued their intense discussion about horror movies, Loki looking slightly bewildered as Darcy basically explained the entire plot. Maria leaned closer to Jane, her voice low so none of the others could hear.

“He can hang out with us up here today and Carol and I can walk him back home.”

“He’s going to feel like we’re babying him,” Jane bit her lip. Maria shook her head.

“We’re protecting a friend and right now I don’t care if we’re going overboard. Look at him Jane. If Carol hadn’t been there who knows what would have happened.” Maria was right and even at the risk of irritating Loki all Jane was concerned about was keeping him safe.

“We just need a few days for Thor to cool down and his friends too,” Jane said, “he’s already feeling shitty but he’s impulsive.”

“Right. So safety in numbers?”

Jane nodded. Inside she was in turmoil, her chest tight as waves of fear and guilt and relief crashed around her brain. Loki glanced her way and gave her a small, sad smile that made her ache. All the complicated feelings that had built up since they met were still there but now they were jammed between layers of other feelings that she couldn’t explain and didn’t want to confront.

Still, standing there next to Maria while they listened to Darcy and Carol argue about movies and Loki jump in from time to time to take a side or ask a question, Jane was hit by a realisation. This was the most connected she had ever felt. At some point the dull, nagging sense of loneliness that was her constant companion had ebbed away after just a short time knowing these people.

“Jane, tell Carol I’m right!” Darcy begged. Jane just laughed, holding up her hands in a “no way am I getting involved in this” gesture, causing Darcy to huff and double down on her argument.

_It’s going to be okay, it’s all going to be okay._


	5. Chapter 5

“Just so I’m clear,” Loki managed to catch Jane alone in his kitchen, refilling the bowl with pretzels, “how long am I under house arrest?”

“What you aren’t enjoying the ever on-going movie party/debate club/sleepover?” Jane asked. Her tone was teasing but she was hyper aware that they’d imposed on Loki for almost three days straight since the incident with Thor’s friends. The four of them had popped back to their own places periodically to take a shower, change clothes and grab supplies but they were also careful to take turns doing that so Loki was never left alone. Jane got a sinking feeling every time she descended the stairs and passed Thor’s floor, two below Loki. None of them had ever run into him or his friends but they were acutely aware of the possibility and Jane was certain she had seen Sif’s car parked down the road when she had left the previous night.

Jane studied Loki’s face. The swelling had gone down and the bruises had darkened, It made him look tough and weirdly attractive and Jane did not want to even begin interrogating those particular thoughts.

“It must be kind of annoying,” Jane said when Loki didn’t answer her question, “we’re all just a little worried.”

“Why?” Loki leaned against the counter, “I barely know any of you. You barely know each other.”

“Yeah its…weird,” Jane couldn’t help but laugh, “but nice right?”

“Very. Can I tell you something?” Jane nodded. Loki glanced back towards the living room where Carol was setting up the games console she had brought over so she could, in her words, “absolutely thrash everyone”. “I realised last night that I’ve never had friends of own before. Thor’s friends have always been my friends by default. Isn’t that sad?”

“No. I mean…all my friends before this weren’t really my friends, they were more like fellow students. I think sometimes it’s hard to make connections and we fall into relationships because they’re easy,” Jane said softly.

“Or we don’t want to be alone.”

“That too,” Jane agreed. 

“Jaaaane! Where the pretzels? I’m going to starve to death!” Darcy called from the other room. Jane shot Loki a look.

“Are you sure this is any better?” she asked.

“Well I always wondered what it would be like to have an annoying, hyperactive, little sister,” Loki chuckled, “so yes?”

“Unconvincing.” Jane moved to leave but Loki caught her arm just before she could.

“I want you to know,” he began carefully, “that despite everything that happened I wouldn’t change a thing about how we met.”

Jane was speechless. All she could do was nod and smile, her heart hammering. In the living room she prayed none of it showed on her face. Darcy just grabbed the pretzels from her hand but she did get a brief sideways glance from Carol. Thankfully no comment was made.

Unsurprisingly Carol was a master at the game but despite never playing before Loki gave her a run for her money. His thumbs sped across the controllers, his brow furrowed in concentration. It was narrow win for Carol but she demanded a rematch.

“Are you sure you’ve never played this before?” Carol asked, eyes narrowed. Loki shook his head, eagerly shifting in his seat as the start screen popped up again, timer counting down.

“My parents only let my siblings and I play educational games,” he said with a smirk. Jane was sure she caught a tinge of something else though. Carol rolled her eyes before her attention snapped back to the game.

“Siblings?” Maria asked.

“Thor and I have an older sister,” Loki explained as he flicked the controller and jabbed at the buttons. “Hela is a lot older than either of us so she was at boarding school and then at college most of our childhood but when she was home my Mother would try and make the three of us bond through learning activities.”

“Lame.” Darcy tossed a pretzel in the air and caught in her mouth. “My parents tried that but there were too many of us.” Jane blinked, she’d never thought to ask Darcy about…well anything personal. Darcy must have caught Jane’s look because she added in between pretzels, “I’m the second youngest of eight kids.” 

“Eight?” Jane spluttered. Carol let out a low whistle though neither she nor Loki took their eyes away from the game. Darcy shrugged.

“My parents are hippies,” she said, like it explained everything. Jane wasn’t sure she would have the ability to put up with seven siblings in one house. Her parents certainly wouldn’t have been able to. “You’re an only child right?” Darcy asked. There was nothing in her tone to make Jane squirm but she did anyway.

“Yeah…”

“Sounds like bliss,” Darcy sighed and held out the bag to Jane. She grabbed a few, chewing as she contemplated Darcy’s words.

“I mean…in some ways,” Jane said, “but it was also kind of lonely.” Darcy hummed in response. Jaunty music blared from the game as Loki was declared the winner and a half irked, half impressed look crossed Carol’s face. Wordlessly he passed the controller to Darcy and the four of them shift positions. Loki was now next to Jane and she was hyper aware of the heat of his body next to hers. Her jangling nerves couldn’t distract from the sour note in the pit of her stomach from her confession. Jane hadn’t meant to say out loud that her childhood had been a lonely one. It felt too much like admitting defeat but against what she wasn’t sure. 

The Fosters weren’t cold or cruel. They had just been reserved in their affection. Her father had always loved books and formulae much more than he had loved people but he at least knew that wasn’t something you could say to a young child. Her mother had been a human rights lawyer, a paragon that cast an impressive figure in Jane’s life but was out of reach on her lofty pedestal. For long stretches of time she’d been away, fighting the good fight all across the world and so she had become someone who existed in letters, postcards and the occasional call home. When she had been present there had not been enough familiarity to allow the kind of affection that Jane saw other children get from their mothers. Science had been the love language her father understood and while a teenage girl missing her mother needed to talk about other things, Jane at least found she had common ground with him and that was enough. Better still it had a lit a passion in her.

Then everything had changed.

“I’m thinking about cooking tonight,” Loki announced. Jane’s attention was dragged back to the present. It came as a relief.

“You don’t like living on takeout?” Carol snorted. The game blasted out another jaunty tune. Carol had won again and Darcy was not as skilled an opponent as Loki so it had been a much quicker fight.

“I do but think of it as my way of saying thanks,” he said with a lopsided smile, “I swear I won’t poison you.

“That sounds so good,” sighed Darcy, “but I promised Siobhan I would grab pizza with her tonight. Her boyfriend dumped her…again. Save the leftovers for breakfast tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

“Only if you tell us all the gossip,” said Carol. She had become strangely invested in the relationship drama of Darcy’s housemates in a short amount of time. “I need to do a grocery run. You need me to pick anything up Loki?”

A quick list was made as Jane and Darcy gave the place a quick tidy before the latter headed out with Carol. They’d missed the brief downpour over lunch and as Loki and Jane leaned out the window to watch them head down the street; the air was light with a pleasant chill. Grey clouds were slowly dissipating and the sun was beginning to glint off of the puddles.

“Rainbow weather,” Jane said brightly before blushing, feeling childish. Loki just smiled at her.

“Are you okay?”

Jane thought about brushing it off but the look Loki gave her made her want to be truthful so she settled down on the sofa, hands on her knees as she considered her response.

“I’m not great about talking about personal stuff. Family stuff,” she corrected herself. “My Mom worked a lot all around the world and my Dad wasn’t really a people person. We weren’t a super touchy feely family.” Loki nodded, sitting down next to Jane. When he said nothing, she continued speaking. “My Dad died when I was about fifteen so my Mom had to stop all her travelling and by then we didn’t really know each other as people and we were both grieving and…” Jane looked at her hands, her throat aching as she swallowed.

“I’m sorry,” said Loki, “I know that’s such a weak response but…”

“No it’s not. Thank you.” Jane glanced up, lips pulled into a tired smile. “I know you get it. It’s not the same thing but…you get it. That means a lot.” Loki leaned forward to lay his hand over Jane’s, his skin cool and soft against hers. Jane’s chest tightened but she didn’t want to pull away. She wanted to say something else but she wasn’t sure what.

“Any time you want to talk I’m here,” Loki said. Jane nodded. “So how about I teach you how to beat Carol at Mario Cart so we can destroy her next time we play?”

“Oh I majorly suck at video games!”

“It’s physics isn’t it?”

“How? And what do you mean teach me? I thought you told Carol you’d never played before?”

“I haven’t technically,” Loki grinned, setting up the console and handing Jane a controller. “Our parents never allowed us to play those games but Thor’s friends could and he’d persuade them to let us go over and play theirs. I never actually got to play but I watched and pick up techniques.”

He liked proving people wrong, Jane realised, it was something she could empathise with. There was a strange contradiction she didn’t understand though, he clearly didn’t like to be underestimated but he used it so well. It was like a shield or a disguise wrapped tight around him.

“Ready?” Loki asked.

Jane did suck at video games but playing with Loki she didn’t care because it was so much fun. They played several rounds and Jane managed to get a little better. At least she wasn’t driving backwards or off the track this time. There was a knock on the door and with a glance at her watch Jane was surprised to see they had been playing for hours.

“I hope that’s Carol with supplies, I didn’t realise how hungry I was,” said Jane.

“You’ll love the parmagiana I make,” promised Loki as he headed to the door, “it’s really-what are you doing here?”

It wasn’t Carol standing on the doorstep when Loki opened the door, but a tall elegant woman in expensive clothes with a somewhat strained smile on her face. Jane felt uneasy and that feeling grew when the woman spoke.

“That’s no way to greet your mother,” she said. She pulled Loki into a hug, eyes screwed shut as her embrace tightened. Jane wished she could see Loki’s face. Her stomach tightened as a sense of anxiety grew. Jane clasped her hands together in front of her as Loki shifted to the side to let Frigga enter.

Thor had always spoken so lovingly of Frigga when he and Jane had been together but she’d never had the chance to meet either of his parents. This was possibly the worst way to. There was a gentle smile on Frigga’s face as her gaze swept across Jane but it was a practiced one.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

Jane looked at Loki; his face had turned into a mask, unreadable and inexpressive. 

“No?” Jane offered, hating how she sounded.

“My friends have been staying with me,” Loki said stiffly. Frigga’s gaze finally left Jane and ran over the sleeping bags and clothes the four of them had brought and piled up in a corner, the board games and DVDs piled up on the table, and the trashcan filled with food wrappers by the kitchen.

“How lovely.”

“We were worried about him,” Jane frowned. “He was hurt pretty badly.” As soon as the words left her mouth Jane worried she’d crossed a line. Loki’s expression remained impassive but Frigga’s wavered before resetting into a smile. She turned back to Loki, voice soft like she was reading a bedtime story.

“I heard about what happened,” she said, “Thor feels terrible.”

Seriously? Jane wanted to shout but she was acutely aware this wasn’t her fight. Or was it? She’d been the reason Thor had lashed out. She hadn’t done anything but Jane still felt guilty. At least she could have broken up with Thor in person, explain her feelings to him and reassure him that her friendship with Loki was just that.

Except it wasn’t. As much as Jane felt she had done the right thing by ending the relationship, it was getting harder and harder to deny how she felt about Loki and that complicated the whole thing.

There was an awkward silence following Frigga’s words. Jane felt like she was going to burst and she couldn’t understand how Loki could just stand there saying nothing.

“I just want to sort things out,” Frigga pleaded, “family is too important for us to be at each other’s throats all the time. This-“ she gestured between Jane and Loki, “-is something we can deal with. We can fix this and you and Thor-“

“There is no this,” Jane said at the exact time that Loki blurted out “I don’t want this to be fixed.” Frigga looked between them a little desperately. 

“I don’t understand.”

Before either of them could respond Carol and Maria bounded through the door, shopping bags filled almost to bursting in each hand. They blinked when they saw Frigga.

“What did we miss?” Carol’s eyes narrowed. 

“My mother is staying for dinner.”


	6. Chapter 6

The tension must have been obvious to Carol and Maria the moment they stepped into Loki’s flat, Jane thought. On the one hand she was thankful for the interruption and the other hand she wondered if it prompted Loki’s response to Carol’s question.

“What did we miss?” Carol’s eyes narrowed. Jane snuck a glance at Frigga. That same gentle smile was on her face but her eyes were darting back and forth, taking the newcomers in.

“My mother is staying for dinner,” Loki announced. Before anyone could respond he took the bags from Maria and headed to the kitchen. Carol gave a small shrug and followed.

“Maria Rambeau,” Maria stuck out her hand for Frigga to shake, her tone firm but polite. It was admirable; Jane wished she had been as composed on Frigga’s arrival. Now though there was strength in numbers. Her hands stopped shaking and she stopped tugging at the hem on her shirt. Instead she squared her shoulders and stood up.

“Nice to meet you Maria. You’re a friend of Loki’s?”

“I am, from the University,” Maria said. There was some small talk where Maria talked about her engineering post-doc and the workshop, also mentioning being workspace neighbours with Jane and how well everyone got on. Frigga nodded along politely. 

In the kitchen Loki was directing Carol to season the meat while he chopped vegetables. Jane would have given anything to be in there too. If nothing else then at least it would let her quiz Loki on what was going on. 

“Jane?” Maria looked at her, brow creased. 

“Sorry, the smell of the food was distracting,” Jane lied. Frigga gave a little nod.

“I was just asking about your own research,” she said, “Thor mentioned you’re a scientist but he didn’t go into details.”

Of course he hadn’t. Jane felt a little guilty at her immediate reaction. Perhaps that was why they hadn’t worked as a couple, her frustration with him not understanding her manifested into a kind of condescension.

“Astrophysics,” Jane said. God she wished she had a drink or something so she could keep her hands occupied while talking inside of clenching them. “My main area of interest is black holes.”

“Impressive,” Frigga gave her a placating smile and then turned back to Maria and asked a few more questions, nodding and humming in response.

“Jane could you grab these plates for me?” Loki called from the kitchen and Jane was surprised she didn’t break the sound barrier with the speed with which she ran into the kitchen. Loki had Carol stirring a pot of thick tomato sauce while the breaded chicken was baking in the oven. Despite Jane’s stomach being clenched with the stress of the situation it still smelt delicious.

“I’m sorry,” Loki half whispered, handing Jane the plates, “ how is she?” Jane shrugged, the plates rattling a little.

“Perfectly nice and polite and think she might not like me or she could just be bored. Honestly I have no idea. She’s talking more to Maria.”

“Maria gets on with everyone,” Carol chimed in. “So why exactly did you ask your Mom to stay?”

“I couldn’t kick my mother out,” Loki said tersely, “what was I supposed to do?”

“Tell us to fuck off so you could talk to her? Or arrange a meeting on neutral ground for a later date so you can prepare? Or-“

“Point made,” Loki snapped. For a minute a strained silence filled the kitchen. Carol and Jane exchanged a look. “I’m sorry,” Loki said, “you’re right I just…”

“All we have to do is get through the meal,” Jane smiled, “you’re not alone, we can all direct the conversation away from anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“We’ve got you covered,” Carol added with a wink, “now what am I doing with this?”

As Loki and Carol put the finishing touches to the meal, Jane laid the table and Maria busied herself getting drinks. Frigga sat down and for a moment her guard seemed to drop when she thought she wasn’t being watched. She looked unsettled. It must have been a shock to not get Loki on his own, and given the social circles the family moved in they probably weren’t the sort of people Frigga expected her son to be friends with. Or maybe that was unfair and Frigga hadn’t realised how bad Loki had been hurt and hadn’t thought people would rally round to make him feel safe.

The woman was a mystery and Jane hated mysteries. Puzzles she loved, puzzles could always be solved, that was the point. You just had to apply logic and work systematically. Mysteries were different, the eluded rational thinking and remained stubbornly impenetrable. They revelled in having no explanation and Jane hated that.

Frigga glanced up and saw Jane watching. The mask resettled over her face but the smile was a little smaller this time.

“Loki has always been a wonderful cook,” Frigga said, gesturing for Jane to sit opposite. With a lack of any other options Jane sat.

“I can imagine,” Jane said, “He’s quite creative.”

“We’ve seen his drawings,” Maria materialised with a bottle of wine and began filling up glasses. Frigga looked at them both in surprise.

“Really? He never shows his art to anyone.”

Jane bit her lip, wondering if she should tell Frigga about Loki sketching her in her lab. Considering it was what kicked everything off it didn’t seem like a good idea. However there was an undeniable burst of pride that not only had she apparently been privy to something Loki didn’t like to share but she’d been the subject too. 

Maria similarly couldn’t think of an appropriate response so just settled for repeating how good the drawings were.

“Dinner is served!” Carol announced, with a sweeping gesture. It was delicious. Like everything else Loki did it was meticulously presented.

“A toast,” Loki raised his glass, the others following suit, “to friendship.” They echoed his words. “I wouldn’t have gotten through the past few days if you hadn’t been here. And Darcy too.”

“We should save her some of this,” Jane said between mouthfuls, “she would actually die tasting something so good. I swear she lives off dried noodles and pretzels.”

“We’ve all been there,” grinned Carol, “and honestly I’m not sure there’s going to be any left after this.”

“Darcy is?”

“My intern,” Jane explained to Frigga, “well my friend, our friend.”

“The annoying little sister of our friendship group,” said Carol. Jane couldn’t help but chuckle, Darcy would love to hear that.

“She’s been staying over too,” Loki explained. Frigga shifted in her seat, the discomfort back again.

“You know this is one of Thor’s favourites,” Frigga gestured to her plate, “he would love this.” Loki said nothing but the grip on his fork tightened and he took another mouthful, staring pointedly at his plate. “Your father too,” Frigga continued, “you know we’ve been talking about coming down and staying for a few weeks and I think it would be a good opportunity to reconnect to-“

“To work together to grind me down until I forgive Thor and everything goes back to normal?” Loki said acidly. Frigga sighed.

“You’ve fought before.”

“They nearly put him in the hospital,” Carol said quietly. Frigga turned sharply. “I was there in the bar that night. It wasn’t just Thor. It was all his friends too. If I hadn’t jumped in then I’m not sure they would have stopped and five against one isn’t fair. They could’ve…” Carol swallowed, shaking her head. Maria put a hand over hers, squeezing tight.

“I am sorry you went through that. It’s never been like that before and he’s been under a lot of pressure with the bar and with-“ Frigga stopped and shot Jane a look that was mostly apologetic but not completely.

Jane felt sick.

“If he can’t take the pressure he shouldn’t be managing a business,” said Loki, “there’s more to running a bar than drinking all the stock and as for Jane…”

Jane couldn’t look at him; she was frightened about what she might see. Instead, she addressed Frigga, acutely aware of how tight her throat was as she spoke and trying to stop her voice from wavering.

“I broke up with Thor because we aren’t compatible. Yes he’s fun to be around and a good person when he isn’t drinking but that alone doesn’t make for a strong relationship. It’s better for us both in the long run.”

“He’s good when he’s with you,” Frigga said.

“It’s not my job to make him good,” Jane struggled to keep her voice from rising, “he’s an adult, that’s all on him.”

Frigga closed her eyes, shoulders sagging but she nodded.

“I understand. I don’t agree but I understand. Loki if we can just explain to Thor that your friendship with Jane is a coincidence and she didn’t choose you over him then-“

“What if she had?”

The clenched feeling from earlier crept back into Jane’s abdomen. The only blessing was that neither Frigga nor Loki seemed to be addressing her at that moment. Loki fixed his mother with a hard stare and she in turn straightened in her seat.

“She didn’t so it’s irrelevant.”

“But if she had,” Loki’s voice was low and dangerous, “that would be different right? If someone had looked at Thor and me and decided no, I’ll choose Loki, I would rather be with Loki. That wouldn’t do would it? No matter how I felt or Jane felt. All that would matter is that Thor gets what he wants because god forbid he ever learn what it’s like to not get his own way for once.”

“But Jane didn’t choose-“

“Please.” They both looked at Jane like they just remembered she was there. “Please stop talking about me like…like I don’t have a say. Like I’m just something to be fought over or shared between Loki and Thor. I’m not.”

“We’re not saying that,” said Frigga, “and Loki I know it must always seem like Thor has an easier time of it but that’s just not true.”

“I’ve been stuck in my house for a week out of fear of running into him or his friends,” Loki brought his fist down onto the table, the plates rattling. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

Now Frigga had the decency to look ashamed.

“We didn’t realise how bad it was, Thor said-“ Loki laughed and rose from the table, “please Loki! Thor said it was a scrap. If we’d known it was more than that then…” Loki stood there expectantly as the words died on Frigga’s lips.

“Yes I thought so.“

“Loki-“

“Please leave.”

Frigga looked at him in shock.

“You don’t mean-“

“I do. You just took Thor’s side of the story for granted. You didn’t even call to see how I was doing. You want things to change then you and Thor and Father can change them. Call me if you manage to get that done.”

Without a word Loki strode in to the kitchen. The rest of them turned to look at Frigga who just stared after him.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Jane said gently though she had no idea why. Perhaps it was some residual guilt for something she couldn’t quite name or perhaps she felt bad for the woman who looked like her world was caving in Frigga nodded mutely.

Outside the night air was crisp and the street was still. Frigga was clearly on the edge of tears, eyes glassy and mouth tight. Jane wasn’t sure if it was better there was no crying or if there needed to be some kind of relief.

“He’s been through a lot,” Jane said as they got to Frigga’s car. “It’s not just the attack though that was…he told me a little about what’s been happening, finding out he’s adopted and everything that entailed.”

Frigga stared at her for a moment.

“You love him.” It wasn’t a question and it wasn’t spoken in an accusatory manner. The words were soft and sad, filled with a myriad of implications that Jane didn’t understand but felt the weight of.

“I don’t know him that well,” said Jane, “but I care about him. Despite what you may think I cared about Thor too which is why I ended things. No one deserves to be with someone who can’t love them fully.”

Frigga nodded, a tear finally falling. It must be so hard, Jane thought, to walk around feeling like you can never express your emotions fully, to be constantly mediating.

“I think Loki cares for you too but you know that’s just the beginning, not the end. Thor… he does love Loki and he hasn’t always been good at showing it and their father…”

Jane shifted uncomfortably. She wasn’t sure if Frigga was warning her or confiding in her and as the seconds of silence stretched out her regret at coming down with Frigga grew.

“I just want my family back together,” Frigga pleaded. All Jane could do was nod and step away as Frigga got in the car and drove away, the tears coming thick and fast now. 

Traipsing back up the stairs, Jane’s legs felt like lead. Loki was going to ask if his mother said anything and Jane wasn’t sure how to relay the brief, awkward conversation. Just when she thought things couldn’t get any worse a figure appeared at the top of the stairs.

Two figures to be exact, Sif was stood a little behind Thor, eyes darting between them.

“It went well?” Thor asked, fists bunched by his sides and eyes hopeful. It took all of Jane’s willpower not to scoff, as she brushed passed. “Please Jane, I just want to know he’s okay.”

“Physically?” Sif recoiled at that though Jane’s tone was closer to tired than sharp, “or emotionally?” Thor’s shoulders slumped and he looked oddly small for a moment. It sent a spasm through Jane, almost like pity.

“Is that why you’re all staying with him? He’s in a bad way?”

“We’re staying because we weren’t sure it was safe to leave him alone in the same building as you,” Jane said bluntly. There was no satisfaction to be gained from the look of horror on Thor’s face.

“You think-“

“I don’t know what to think,” Jane started up the next flight of stairs to Loki’s floor, “after what you did I think you might be capable of anything.” She didn’t wait for a response. Maria was hovering outside Loki’s door as Jane arrived, head tilted in a silent question. Thor’s voice carried well. Jane shrugged and gave a small smile.

“You look like you could use dessert!” Carol was holding up a tub of ice cream in each hand when Jane and Maria entered. “May I present the Rambeau-Danvers Ice Cream extravaganza. A gastronomic delight that we only share with our most special of friends!”

“This looks like a heart attack waiting to happen,” said Loki, eyeing the syrup bottles, bags of candy and pots of sprinkles.

“It’s heaven is what it is,” said Maria, “basically we build a jumbo sundae together and eat it until we feel we’re going to explode.”

“It’s a dessert-cum-bonding experience,” added Carol. Jane and Loki exchanged a look. 

It was too early to talk about everything. It might still be too early tomorrow so why not eat enough sugar to turn everything into white noise and at least they could forget about all the drama for a while.

Loki held his hand out for a spoon while Jane grabbed a tub of cookie dough ice cream.


	7. Chapter 7

As the first week bled into the second some of the tension dissipated. Loki began to insist he was all right to be left on his own. He wasn’t spending a lot of time at home anyway. He had a big deadline and a desk in the Art History department’s office had become free and so was spending most of his days there and by the time he got home he just wanted to sleep. 

Jane also suspected that he was starting to find the constant presence of other people a little claustrophobic so as a compromise, since they both lived in the same direction from campus, Jane suggested they walk home together and if they caught sight of Thor she was there to back him up. They were having lunch in the one of the canteens on campus, a routine they had wordlessly instigated, when Jane first brought up the idea.

“I haven’t heard from him since…” Loki trailed off. His physical wounds from the fight had healed but he wouldn’t talk about it, “and my mother phoned and said he’s promised to keep his distance.”

“That’s…good?”

Loki stabbed at his salad with a frown. Jane still hadn’t got the hang of reading his expressions. It was a puzzle she couldn’t quite work out which only made her more desperate to.

“Yes.” Loki dragged the word out. “I don’t want to deal with any of that right now but I can’t avoid him forever.”

“No but you need time. Anyone would,” said Jane. “At least you’ll have us out of your hair,” she added jokingly but it felt hollow. Loki sat bolt upright.

“I don’t want that!”

“No? Me neither,” Jane looked down at her own food intently, face hot, “and Darcy thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread and Carol and Maria-“

Like a message from above Loki’s phone began to ring, cutting off Jane’s rambling. She thanked the universe as Loki answered but her relief turned to concern.

“This is he. I…Yes? How bad is…I see. Yes of course.” Though his face remained blank as Loki hung up, Jane saw his hands trembling as he slipped his phone into his pocket. Before she could open her mouth to ask, Loki was standing up.

“My uh, my father’s had a heart attack. I need to go, I need…” His eyes were glazed.

“Loki take a moment,” Jane said firmly. Without thinking she grabbed his hand and they both stared down at it. “Sorry I…sorry”

“Please don’t apologise,” Loki said, swallowing thickly. Around them the hubbub of the canteen faded away. Loki screwed his eyes shut for a count of ten before blinking away the tears gathering at the corner of his eyes.

“His assistant called. He fell sick at work and is hospital in a precarious condition. Mother’s there and…oh I didn’t ask about Thor. Anyway I need to get there.”

“Give me the address, I’ll drive you, you’re in no state.” Loki stopped, wide eyed.

“No I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking I’m offering,” said Jane. “Please. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I’ll need to call Thor,” said Loki, his words heavy with implication. Jane sighed inwardly. Of course Loki did, it was his father too, she totally understood that. It didn’t stop her feeling wary though.

“I can drive both of you if he hasn’t left already,” Jane said before she could stop herself. Thor wasn’t angry at her, she hadn’t been the one beaten up by his friends so she was in less danger than Loki. 

Loki nodded and pulled his phone back out of his pocket. His fingers tapped the keys agonisingly slowly, his touch shaky. He swallowed as the phone began to ring. Thor’s voice was muffled on the other end but Jane could hear him talking a mile a minute as soon as he picked up. Loki’s brow furrowed.

“Why are you there? You know what it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving now and we could pick you up on the way…Jane’s driving me…yes it’s very kind of her,” Loki glanced up at Jane and she gave a small smile. “Look we’ll see you in a few hours okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

“He’s not here?” Jane frowned as Loki hung up. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Apparently he’s spent the week at the family vineyard which is about halfway between here and home. Our cousin runs the place and Thor felt the need to go help?”

He ran away, Jane thought but she stayed silent. The family had a vineyard because of course they did. Lucky Thor, having somewhere so nice to run off to and avoid the consequences of his actions.

About an hour or so later Loki had thrown some clothes in a bag and given Jane the address to the vineyard. The first half an hour or so was quiet; Loki just stared into the distance, his gaze unfocused as the world rolled past them. Jane kept glancing sideways at him, her unease growing.

He’d been through a lot and the last thing she wanted was to baby him or smother him. Jane wanted to help but she wasn’t sure how, which infuriated and frightened her.

“He’s going to be okay,” Jane said finally. “Your Dad I mean. I think they would have said on the phone if it was really bad.”

“He’s been sick before,” Loki said quietly, “when Thor and I were younger. He took time off and our Mother cared for him. Thor and I were sent away to school and for the first time when we came home for the holidays he wasn’t working. We saw him everyday. It was strange. Nice I suppose. We went camping one weekend and he taught us to fish. Thor and I were both terrible. Thor got bored easily and I was squeamish when it came to killing the fish. It was the only time we went.”

“I’m…” sorry didn’t feel like the right word. Loki’s tone was strange. There was no hint of sadness but there was something else. A mixture of longing and resentment perhaps? Jane wasn’t entirely sure.

“We’re a strange family,” Loki said apologetically, “I mean, you’ve met my mother. She’s never encountered a problem that she couldn’t force away with positivity and grace.”

“You’re not close?” Jane asked.

“We were before I found out about the adoption,” Loki frowned, “Mother and I more so. My Father has always been distant. Hela I’ve never really known well and she and my father have a volatile relationship. She’s always been brilliant but…he puts her down a lot. I never knew how to handle that. I think I wanted to know her better. I loved Thor so much growing up and looking back I think Hela and I might be closer in temperament. Thor could always make anything fun though, even if we regretted it afterwards. Siblings are complicated.”

“I’m sorry you had to lose that,” Jane said quietly. She wasn’t sorry for all the horrible things she’d thought about Thor after the fight and her break up but she didn’t say that. The truth was Jane couldn’t understand Loki’s need to love someone who had hurt him so much. Rationally she knew that’s what familial bonds were like but her heart ached with fear for him.

“Would you mind of we talked about something else?” Loki asked quietly. Jane reached over, trying very hard not to brush against Loki’s legs and opened the glove box.

“Darcy made me some mix CDs,” she explained, pulling back, “she said that I need to be properly educated in music. I haven’t listened to any but we could be educated together if you like.”

“Honestly…I haven’t heard of any of these,” Loki squinted at the back of the CD case, trying to decipher Darcy’s splodge handwriting, “how about this one?”

They were thirty seconds into the first song before Loki skipped it with a shudder.

“Didn’t think Darcy was into scream core,” Jane muttered, “and is this folk?”

“So there’s no coherence to these selections?” Loki asked.

“I’m sure it makes perfect sense to Darcy,” laughed Jane, “actually this isn’t so bad.”

Loki made a non-committal noise in response and skipped to the next song. They continued in the same vein for the next couple of hours, working their way through each song and eventually developing a points system and rating the song out of five. Jane was delighted to discover that Loki was secretly a fan of pop punk while her own tastes leaned towards easy listening. Neither of them liked ballads. Loki found them too sad and she found them too overwrought. They both loved ABBA.

“But that makes sense because everyone loves ABBA,” said Jane, “It’s like hardwired into our DNA. What, why are you laughing?”

“That’s the least scientific thing ever. I can’t believe it came out of your mouth!”

“Have you ever met anyone who dislikes ABBA?” Jane challenged. Loki shook his head, still laughing. “See! It’s a scientific fact.”

“I love the way you see the world,” said Loki after his laughter had finally subsided. “Usually I mean. I’m sceptical about the scientific validity of a genetic pre-disposition to ABBA shared by the entire human race. I mean I love how you talk about your work and the world around us and the everyday and it all seems so magical.”

Jane had no idea how to respond to that. Her cheeks grew warm and her heart fluttered in her chest. 

“I get swept up in things,” she admitted.

“That’s good.” Jane mumbled thanks and they sat listening to the rest of Darcy’s CDs until they turned off the main road and followed a winding path. It was uneven and lined on both sides with rows and rows of vines neatly laid out. The path led up to the biggest house Jane had ever seen, almost gleaming white in the sun and set safely behind wrought iron gates. 

Jane knew almost nothing about architecture but it sort of looked like one of those sprawling Mediterranean estates. Loki shrank a little in his seat, face flushed and gaze fixed firmly on his clasped hands.

“There’s a buzzer by the gate,” he mumbled and Jane rolled forwards and opened the window. The speaker crackled to life.

“Loki please tell me that’s you,” came an unfamiliar voice weighted down with fatigue. Loki groaned.

“Yes Bruce it’s me.”

“Oh thank god.”

The gates swung open slowly and Jane drove up the paved path. There were two honest to god peacocks ambling around the massive green sprawling before the house with a fountain erupting in the centre.

“So Bruce is your cousin?” Jane asked in a daze.

“Yes,” said Loki, “he’s the nicest person you’ll meet. Actually he was a scientist before…he got unwell. My father let him recuperate here and the slower pace of life agreed with him so he’s been managing the estate.”

“A scientist? What kind?” Some of the tension knotted in Jane’s stomach eased. So this wasn’t a snotty rich boy gaming about his winery then. 

“A physicist. Specialising in Gamma radiation I think. Bruce is brilliant.”

“Wait Bruce Banner is your cousin?” The man had been something of a star in his field until an incident a few years ago. It was a lab accident according to reports but there had been rumours of sabotage and a shady government contract and instead of compensating victims they were all forced to sign non-disclosures and practically blacklisted from most reputable labs. Erik had known Bruce from collaborating on projects early in their careers and had mentioned the whole thing had pushed Bruce over the edge mentally and emotionally.

“Our mothers are sisters,” Loki smiled and the tension eased even more. Jane was actually looking forward to meeting him now. Though as they pulled up and Bruce came hurrying down the front steps some of the excitement dimmed.

Bruce looked absolutely shattered, Jane thought but when he saw her he smiled and held out a hand.

“You must be Jane? Thor mentioned you were driving Loki here, that’s really kind of you. I think we have a few colleagues in common.”

“Erik Selvig speaks very highly of you,” Jane said, “and I’m just doing what Loki would do for me.”

“What’s wrong Bruce?” Loki asked, “is it Thor?”

Bruce hesitated, looking at Jane like he wasn’t sure he should be speaking in front of her.

“I’ll grab the bags while you guys talk,” she said but Loki stopped her, a firm but gentle hand on her arm.

“Whatever it is you can say in front of Jane,” Loki told Bruce, whose shoulders sagged.

“The first couple of days here he was fine. Well mostly fine, a little despondent perhaps but since then he’s fallen into a bit of a hole,” said Bruce. Loki said nothing in response but Jane noticed his jaw twitch and he clenched his teeth, lips pressed together. “He’s been drinking a lot, sleeping a lot. I can’t get him to talk to me about anything, not your Dad, not whatever happened before…”

Jane’s stomach lurched and without think she laid her hand over Loki’s, which was still on her other arm. He blinked a little at the unexpected contact and swore she felt him relax a little under her touch.

“So he’s in no fit state to travel today?” Loki rolled his eyes. “Fantastic.”

“I made up two spare rooms,” Bruce said apologetically, “and I’ve made dinner and told Frigga the roads are bad round here and not to expect you until tomorrow. I don’t think she believed me but-“

“-It’s better than her knowing the truth,” Loki said, lip curling. “Where is he?”

“The yellow room,” sighed Bruce. Loki nodded curtly and strode off leaving Bruce and Jane in an awkward silence. “How about I help you with those bags?” he said finally. 

There wasn’t much to carry. The problem was Jane hadn’t brought anything and so had no nightclothes or toiletries. 

“There’s space wash stuff in the guest bathroom,” Bruce explained as he showed her to one of the guest rooms. There was a huge four-poster bed with gauzy curtains and an absolute mountain of delicately embroidered pillows. The windows reached almost from floor to ceiling and overlooked the sprawling vineyard with a window seat that looked divine for reading in. There were two doors at either end, one lead to a marbled bathroom with a claw foot bath under another huge, frosted window and a walk in shower that took up an entire wall while the second door was a dressing room lined with rails and shelves.

Jane wasn’t sure she had enough possessions to fill it let alone clothes and her smile as she thanked Bruce was strained.

“It can be a little overwhelming,” sighed Bruce, “not just this place, but this family.”

“I…I don’t know how much you know…”

“I know you and Thor were together, sort of,” said Bruce and Jane stopped herself from flinching despite his kind tone. “Thor said you two broke up and he took it out on Loki and then his friends joined in. He wasn’t specific but I could tell it was bad.”

“It was.”

“Hmmm. This family…it’s full of secrets and long buried resentments and that festers you know?” said Bruce. “Not to mention that people who live like this-“ he gestured to the room, “-well they kind of operate in a world where the consequences barely exist.”

Jane nodded, not trusting herself to speak. All she wanted to do was jump in the car and drive back home. A clawing sense of dread had crept up on her while Bruce spoke and all her instincts were telling her to leave so she wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.


	8. Chapter 8

Jane felt at a loss as she perched on the end of the bed. Eventually she ran a bath, figuring that washing the journey off might do something to relieve the tension she felt ahead of dinner. Everything felt so alien and just wrong and the thought of seeing Thor again compounded the feeling of being out of place. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how Loki must be feeling. Yes he was raised around this kind of thing but to have to deal with someone who had hurt you so badly? That would be tough for anyone.

The water was arm and soothing on Jane’s muscles, and lightly scented with some floral salts that she found. Instead of focusing on her current situation Jane let her mind wander to the friendly realm of equations and formulae, drawing the figures in the water, breaking them down and putting them back together again.

By the time she’d dried off and headed downstairs Jane almost felt calm. Almost. It took her a little while to find the dining room. Or at least the dining room they would be eating it. She found two separate ones that were massive, built to sit around a hundred people at a guess. thankfully she Bruce in a much smaller one close to the kitchen.

“This smells amazing,” Jane said, nodding to the bowls of soup Bruce was laying out. Beside each bowl was a thick wedge of crusty bread. the air smelled spicy and comforting. Bruce gave a small shrug and a lopsided smile. 

“Cooking and baking help me when I’m stressed,” he said. His words had the cadence of a joke but the tone behind it was serious.

“What is it?” Jane asked as she took her seat.

“Lentil and butternut squash,” said Bruce, “the bread is sourdough.” Jane’s mouth watered as she looked at it but her focus was pulled from Bruce’s delicious looking dinner when she heard footsteps outside the door. Bruce sighed.

“This looks great Bruce,” Loki said, mouth pulled tight. His entire body seemed taut and coiled in the way he held himself. Jane thought he looked a little paler than usual and she shot him a sympathetic look as he took the chair opposite her. He just looked down at his soup. 

Thor ambled in next and Jane did a double take. He looked awful. It wasn’t that he was still drunk, though he definitely was, it was that his eyes were puffy and red, sunken in above his scraggly beard that looked in desperate need of a trim. His clothes were dishevelled and he looked like he hadn’t slept properly in a long time.

“Hi Jane,” he mumbled, not able to meet her eyes. Jane swallowed and for a moment she had no clue what to say until Thor spoke again, “thanks for bringing Loki all this way.”

“Oh sure it was no problem,” she said, forcing a smile. “How uh, how are you doing?”

Loki rolled his eyes and Bruce shot him a warning look before he started tearing his bread apart. 

“I’m good,” Thor nodded, “I mean I was good. Before hearing about Dad. That’s not…but he’ll be okay I’m sure and now we’ll all be there to see him so that’s good and…yeah, thanks again for that.”

In the entire time she’d known Thor Jane had never heard him talk like that, unsure and halting. Yeah he talked nonsense when he was drunk but it was a louder version of how he usually sounded, these were the words of someone totally different.

The meal started in silence apart from murmurs of appreciation directed at Bruce and the soft clink of cutlery. The tension in the air was thick and brittle, the sharing of worried glanced providing an awkward rhythm to the meal.

“So Jane,” Bruce said finally, “how’s your work going/” Jane wasn’t sure feel relieved at the silence being broken or wary of the attention on her.

“Promising,” she said once she finished her mouthful, “We’re getting some really great data so I’m excited to move onto the second phase.”

“And how’s Erik? Last I heard he was on some huge project down in Australia?”

It was a relief to talk about something else for a while as they finished their meal. Every so often Loki would chime in, growing visibly less tense as they stayed on a neutral topic on conversation. Thor was silent, pushing the spoon around the bowl and picking at the last few bits of bread.

Bruce and Jane’s conversation trailed off as Bruce gathered up the empty bowls. Loki shifted in his seat and neither he nor Thor could look at each other. The tension that had eased a little when the conversation distracted now seeped back into the room.

“This place is beautiful,” Jane said a little weakly when the silence got too much.

“It’s meant to be a replica of a famous estate in Italy,” Loki frowned, “Odin’s grandfather had it built in the 1930s when his son married.” Jane raised an eyebrow. “Yeah building a palace in the middle of the Great Depression to celebrate the coming together of two obnoxiously wealthy families wasn’t the greatest look.”

Thor made a noise as if he was going to protest. Both Loki and Jane looked his way, Loki more sharply. The sound died in Thor’s throat and his gaze dropped to the table.

“How did you find your room?” Loki asked Jane turning back. It didn’t look like he was enjoying Thor’s discomfort so much but he was dismissive of it. Jane couldn’t blame him, as sorry as Thor looked right then he’d still hurt Loki.

“Fancier than any room I’ve ever slept in before,” Jane admitted, “and I had the best bath ever before coming coming down.” Loki chuckled at that and for a moment a light blush passed over his cheeks. Jane felt her own cheeks warming.

“Cake?” Bruce re-entered with another stack of plates. On top balanced a cake stand propping up a glossy looking chocolate cake. Both Thor and Loki leaned forwards, transfixed.

“Is that Nanna Bestla’s fudge cake?” Thor half whispered. Bruce nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “I thought her recipes were all lost?”

“What do you think I’ve spent the past two years doing?” Bruce snorted. He cut thick wedges from the cake and dished each one out. It looked moist and fluffy and the buttercream inside looked fluffy and pale while the ganache on top was dark and glistening. It looked good to Jane’s eyes but both Thor and Loki looked like Christmas had come early.

“Our grandmother used to make this every time we visited,” Loki offered by way of an explanation. “Baking was her passion and she didn’t really like being served so she would shut herself in the kitchen and bake cakes and pies-“

“And that pumpkin bread, do you remember?” Thor interjected.

“Yes and those little fruit tarts with the sugar butterflies!” laughed Loki.

“The raisin and oat cookies she made from Christmas one year with a hint of cinnamon,” Bruce sighed happily.

“Honey cake!” Loki exclaimed, “Oh that was delicious and she would set it all out like a picnic down in the vineyard and she’d tell stories while we ate.”

For a moment the three men sat in rapt silence, transported to somewhere in their collective past with a kindly grandmother and sweet treats. Jane’s heart ached but it wasn’t with sadness or anxiety this time.

“This was our favourite,” Loki smiled at her softly. “This cake could make all the world’s problems disappear. It was only for special occasions. Nanna Bestla wrote everything down but when she died her things were packed away fairly quickly and no one could ever find them. Until now that is,” he added, nodding to Bruce.

“Where was it?” Thor asked.

“There are so many outbuildings here,” said Bruce, “I’ve been going through them steadily since I arrived. This place was built for the family to entertain business associates,” Bruce explained to Jane, “they prefer to do that in the city or by the coast now though. The vineyard still produces wine in small amounts but the house isn’t really doing anything and over the years stuff has piled up. I needed a project.”

“So you rediscovered the sacred texts of your Grandmother’s recipes,” Jane smiled.

“Treasure worth more than their weight in gold,” Loki promised. “Try it!”

They all looked at Jane expectantly as she took a small bit with all the different flavours and textures. they were holding their breaths and Jane chewed slowly, thoughtfully.

“That’s…the best thing I have ever tasted in my entire life.”

The room exploded with cheers and laughter and soon everyone was digging into the cake and laughing and joking. It was like they had all transformed, Jane marvelled. Thor and Loki began exchanging stories of their grandmother and Bruce told them how it had taken around twenty tries to get the recipe to work.

Had he known? Jane wondered if Bruce knew there would be tension when Loki and Thor arrived and figured that Nanna Bestla’s cake was the only cure.

_This cake could make all the world’s problems disappear._

Looking at them joking and laughing like the past month had never happened, Jane half believed it to be true.

They all went upstairs after dinner, the atmosphere considerably lighter than before. Thor and Loki were talking as Jane bid them goodnight.

“Sleep well,” Loki said, smiling as they parted ways at the top of the stairs. Jane smiled back before heading to her room. Inside though she couldn’t settle. Something unnameable buzzed underneath her skin and she couldn’t sit still. 

Jane ran another bath, hoping it would calm her down but almost as soon as she sunk into the. warm water she wanted to jump out again. Forcing herself to stay where she was, Jane ran through all the calculations she could remember from her project. When she couldn’t focus enough to keep them in her mind’s eye Jane began to recite them out loud, her voice whisper that echoed softly off the tiles. It sounded like someone else’s voice and for the first time in her life mathematics didn’t do anything to soothe her.

Finally she dressed and after checking the hallway outside she tiptoed down it and knocked softly on Loki’s door. He was already dressed for bed when he opened the door, a look of confusion on his face.

“Sorry did I wake you?”

“No not all. I’m finding it hard to settle. You too?”

Jane nodded with a small laugh and Loki stepped aside to let her in. Loki’s room was identical to hers except he’d brought more luggage with him. The buzzing beneath Jane’s skin felt like a gentle hum now, still there but soft and warm. A hand touched her shoulder but Jane didn’t start, almost like she expected it.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” Loki said softly, “I’m not sure I could have done it without you.”

Jane tried to make a joke about his driving but it wouldn’t come out. Neither would any kind of acknowledgement or “you’re welcome” or “it was nothing”. Speech seemed beyond her at the moment, her body intent on disobeying anything her head ordered. Her heart on the other hand?

It was a stupid thing to do but Jane didn’t care. When she turned around to face Loki she took his face in her hands and before the shock could fully register on his face she pressed her lips to his. For a fraction of a second he didn’t move and Jane’s heart stopped beating. 

_This was a mistake, I’ve made a terrible-_

Loki’s arm circled round her waist, pulling her flush against him and a small moan escaped his lips, muffled by her own. The kiss was firmer than she expected but it was a nice sensation, sending warmth flooding through her body. Jane’s hand moved from his face to his hair, fingers carding through the soft black curls. When they broke apart to breathe they didn’t move, Jane could still feel the warmth radiating from Loki’s skin.

“Are you sure?” he asked. Jane hands dropped to Loki’s shoulders, enjoying the feeling of his sturdiness, his presence, beneath her hands. She couldn’t articulate why but the contact was grounding, comforting.

“Yeah I’m sure,” she said, nuzzling into his neck. Her lips traced a past upwards, butterfly kisses trailing to just under Loki’s ear and he shivered at the sensation. “Are _you_ sure?” 

Loki did lean back then, one arm coming up so he could tilt Jane’s face up to his. His expression was so solemn that a ripple of doubt danced across her mind.

“I’ve been sure since the moment I first saw you,” Loki said.

“Since…since that day you sketched me?” He nodded. There was no way that could be possible. Loki was a romantic, Jane knew that. It must be the artist in him. Jane on the other hand was a rational person. Feelings and thoughts were electrical impulses in the brain, the chemical interactions of hormones. They were really and genuine and like everything else in the universe they obeyed certain laws, followed certain patterns.

“You don’t believe me.” There was a lilting, teasing tone to his voice, he wasn’t offended and the doubt faded away.

“I believe you believe that,” Jane said carefully, prompting a laugh from Loki, “but you didn’t know me then!”

“I know you now,” Loki leaned close, kissing her softly once more, his lips a whisper on hers. “I know you’re brilliant and driven and kind and-“

Jane stopped him with a firmer kiss, arms around his neck once more, the heat rising.

“Bossy,” Loki mumbled in between kisses as they backed towards the bed. They bumped into it, sending Loki falling backwards onto the softs sheets and Jane tumbling on top of him. Her heart was pounding, face flushed and Loki repeated his prior question.

“Are you sure?”

Jane answered with a nod and more kisses, hot and feverish as clothes were tugged off and skin met skin. He was cooler to the touch than she was and her hungry hands scrambled to touch every inch of him while staying as close as possible. Jane didn’t want it to stop, the need in her was rising as they shed the last of their clothes, brushing them aside and onto the floor. 

Loki sat back, a wicked gleam in his eyes as they swept across Jane’s body. Under his gaze she expected to feel exposed but she didn’t. She felt admired.

“Come here,” she held her arms out and Loki didn’t need telling twice, he half fell into her embrace, trailing kisses down her neck, her collarbone, her breasts.

The knock shocked them both, sharp and rapt. Blood pounded in Jane’s ears as they both freeze. The knock came again followed by a soft “Loki?”

Thor.

For a moment Jane wanted to whisper for Loki to ignore it but their bodies seemed to be catching up with what was going on. Jane’s heart slowed, the pounding of her blood in her ears quietened as Loki grabbed a robe and pulled it on. He looked at Jane, his expression unreadable as he put his hand out of the door. Jane pulled the covers around her, shuffling out of sight. Loki’s body blocked most of the doorway so Thor was hidden from her but she could hear him, his whispers not as quiet as he thought.

“I’m sorry for waking you.”

“No it’s fine. Is something wrong?” Loki asked. The tension was visible in his shoulders even in the dark.

“I just wanted to apologise again. Sober,” Jane heard Thor shift from side to side. “I shouldn’t have taken Sif’s word on anything. I should have spoken to you. I was upset about Jane and-“

“Thor really it’s fine,” sighed Loki.

“It’s not fine! Our friends hurt you!”

“Your friends,” Loki corrected, a hint of anger creeping into his voice. He paused and Jane thought she could see his fist clenching and unclenching. “Look, we can move past this okay. Move on. If things change,” he added.

“They will,” Thor said, “I promise they will. I’m going to stop drinking for one!”

“That’s good.”

“And I’m going to work on my anger and the way I treat people and communicating and-“

“That’s great Thor.” 

“I really did mean it,” Thor said, “I am sorry. I know you would never do something like with Jane. We’re brothers and you’ve always been better at showing that than me.”

Jane pressed her hand to her mouth, eyes squeezed shut. Could Thor feel the weight of the silence before Loki responded?

“We’ll talk more tomorrow okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The door shut with a soft click and Jane took a moment as Loki leaned his forehand against the painted wood, to gather her clothes up from the floor. The chill of the night did nothing to cool the burning of her cheeks as she pulled her t shirt back on.

“Jane?” 

“I should…” Jane dragged her hands through her hair, taking deep, steadying breaths. “I’m sorry.”

She half expected him to say she’d done nothing wrong. She hadn’t. So why the hell did she feel so guilty?

_Because you’ve felt this way about him for a long time, while you were still with Thor. You’ve haven’t done anything about it until now but you wanted to._

Loki said nothing, just stared at the floor, compounding the guilt.

“I’m going back to my room,” said Jane, the pleas for him to get her to stay going unspoken. 

“I was thinking…” Loki said slowly. “There’s a car here. I should drive Thor and myself the rest of the way tomorrow. You have to get back to campus and-“

“Right okay.” Jane brushed past him.

“You’ve already done so much,” Loki said.

“Yeah, yeah I guess I have.” Jane’s throat felt tight. Don’t cry. Don’t let him see you cry. Stay strong until you’re on your own.

“Jane I’m grateful but-“

“I get it. Goodnight Loki.”

Jane didn’t wait for a response, just hurried back to her own room and burying herself under the covers. Only then did she let the tears out.


	9. Chapter 9

Sleep evaded Jane until the early hours of the morning and as soon her eyes shut the high pitched shriek of her phone alarm cut through her. Shame, frustration and rejection washed over as the grogginess lifted. She needed to get as far away as possible as soon as she could. She splashed some water on her face and dragged her fingers through her hair as quick as she could and then half ran down the stairs with only the briefest of glances at the other doors.

Thankfully neither Thor or Loki were up. Thor could sleep through pretty much anything but Jane wondered if Loki’s night had been as fitful as hers. 

He’d wanted something to happen between them, he’d wanted _her_. The thought of it made Jane’s skin heat up and her breath hitch.

“Jane?” Bruce stood in the downstairs hallway, a frown on his face. “Are you leaving? I thought you were driving them home.”

“Loki said he’d take one of the cars here and drive,” Jane said, shifting awkwardly on the spot. “So I, uh, thought it would be best to leave as soon as possible. I have work to do and I don’t want to hold them up.”

Bruce’s frown deepened and he moved to speak and then hesitated as if thinking better of it. It took everything for Jane not to sigh in relief.

“You can’t drive all the way home without something to eat. Give me two minutes and I’ll throw a packed lunch together for you.”

“You really don’t-“

“If you pass out at the wheel because you haven’t eaten I’ll feel very guilty,” he said with a small smile, “so really I’m doing this for me.”

Janne hovered by the front door, glancing up the stairs every minute or so as she waited for Bruce to come back. Her muscles felt tight as she strained to hear movement upstairs. Once or twice she could have sworn she heard footsteps or the creak of the floorboard but no one came down. The last thing she wanted was to have to face Loki before leaving. There was no version of that particular conversation that wouldn’t be horrendously awkward.

_You’ll have to face him at some time._

Anger flared up inside her. Maybe she would but she wasn’t going to let him make her feel ashamed. Jane was grown woman and she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

_So why do you feel like you did?_

“I’ve put in two sandwiches, some strawberries, an apple, chips and a slice of Nanna Bestla’s cake,” Bruce reappeared from down the hall. “I’m sorry to see you leaving so soon. It’s been nice having you here and I know it helped Loki.”

“Thanks….”

“I mean it Jane,” Bruce said seriously. “Look we don’t know each other and I don’t want to pry but I know Loki drew a lot of strength from you being here.”

Jane swallowed as she took the bag of food. What was she supposed to say to that? 

“I really care about him.” The words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them. “I just want him to be okay.”

“He will,” Bruce said, eyes filled with a sincerity that almost hurt to see. “Whether he knows it or not is another thing. You want me to pass on a message?”

“I…” Jane bit her lip, brain running at a hundred miles an hour. “Please just let him know I hope his father is okay and that…and that I hope I’ll see him soon.”

Bruce nodded and to Jane’s relief didn’t push any further. Heading outside to her car, the sun was low and pale in the sky. The air had a slight chill to it and there was still dew on the grass.

Tears pricked the corner or her eyes as she slid in the drivers seat and glanced up at the house. There was a brief movement at one of the windows but it was Thor’s room, not Loki. 

They were brothers before she had met either of them. Their bond with each other was stronger and ran deeper than any connection they had with her. Jane and Loki’s actions had put a strain on that. That’s where the guilt sprung from. Despite everything that had happened between them Loki loved his brother and desperately needed to be loved by him in return.

As fast as she could, Jane pulled away, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Don’t think about him, don’t think about him, don’t think about him.

It was so fruitless she wanted to laugh. Instead she hit play on the CD player and turned the volume up as loud as she could on Darcy’s terrible music. Jane sang along until her throat was raw. When she stopped to eat she could only manage some of the fruit, an acid churning in her stomach made her feel queasy when she looked at the sandwiches and Nanna Bestla’s cake made her want to cry again. She knew it was ridiculous but instead of trying to reason why she sped off, driving non-stop until she reached home.

The sun was setting and the autumn breeze whipped her flushed cheeks as she hurried into her student halls. It was mercifully empty of people so at least Jane wouldn’t have to explain her blotchy face and red eyes to anyone.

The food was thrown into the fridge, her clothes peeled off and finally Jane collapsed into bed, the weight of everything crashing down on her like a tsunami. The only upside was that she’d already shed all the tears possible in the car. Exhaustion took over and Jane’s sleep was thankfully dreamless.

A pounding on the door roused Jane from the thick smog of sleep. Bright sunlight streamed through the window, confusing her for a second.

“Jane if you don’t open up I’m assuming you’re dead and we’re gonna break down the door.”

“Hang on!” she rasped, stumbling out of bed, dragging blankets with her. She should have shut the fucking curtains the previous night, it was so hard to seat. Her vision was sort of back to normal by the time she made it to the front door. Darcy and Carol stood there, arms folded, twin looks of disapproval painting their features.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong!? What do you mean what’s wrong?”

“Darcy it’s super early and-“

“It’s noon Jane,” Carol said. Her tone was less harsh than Darcy’s. In fact the disapproval had given way to relief. It was oddly touching as far as Jane’s brain could make sense of it.

“Noon? No I-“

Darcy looked like she was about to explode and Carol cut in.

“Loki couldn’t get through to you all of yesterday so he called us but you didn’t pick up your phone.”

“I left twelve messages Jane. Twelve!”

“Right so we figured you were tired from travelling but then you didn’t show up at the lab today-”

“I covered with Erik, you’re welcome!”

Jane rubbed her eyes, the information clashing together in her head. It was throbbing, she realised now and her eyes were strained.

“I was tired, I guess…I guess I didn’t realise how much…”

“Loki said you had a fight?” Darcy said, more softly now. God how terrible did Jane look for that to happen? “I mean he didn’t say it was fight but he said you left without saying goodbye yesterday and he kind of implied it was his fault but he was super cagey so…”

Was it a fight? It hurt like a fight, Jane thought dully. It felt like something had changed between them.

“Okay well I’m getting the impression you need to take a personal day so as far as the lab knows you went home sick,” Carol said, brushing past Jane into the apartment. “I’m gonna make some tea while you have a shower. Darcy here’s some cash, can you grab something from the bakery across the street?”

“On it!”

“Guys, please you don’t have to do this,” Jane said. All she wanted was to crawl back under the covers in shame but the look on Carol’s face told her that wasn’t an option. “I’ll be in the shower…”

Carol beamed, triumph radiating off her. Her smile was so broad and bright that Jane began to feel a little better. The shower helped too, washing the grime of travelling off of her body and clearing her senses. She was going to have to talk to Loki at some point, for clarity if nothing else.

Perhaps nothing romantic could happen between her and Loki but Jane didn’t want to give up being his friend. Perhaps there was away to keep that friendship intact and just pretend the whole incident at the vineyard had never happened.

Darcy was back by the time Jane was fully washed and dressed and she and Carol were arranging pastries on a plate.

“You look so much better,” Darcy said, holding out a mug.

“Gee thanks.”

“You wanna talk about it or do you want a distraction?” Carol asked.

“Definitely a distraction,” said Jane.

The chatted for a couple of hours about everything except Loki. Maria had gotten a new batch of funding for her project which she was excited about, Darcy had a bunch of gossip from her friend’s breakup and there was a new Froyo place on campus that Carol said was to die for. Jane listened to it all, the smile on her face growing less forced and more genuine as the stories went on. By the end she felt ten times better.

“I gotta run, I’m taking Maria somewhere fancy for dinner to celebrate her funding,” said Carol. “You good?” 

“I am I swear,” Jane held up her hands, “I’ll be back in the lab, first thing tomorrow.”

“You want me to stay for a bit?” Darcy asked. Jane shook her head. “You should call Loki. He sounded pretty worried.” Jane wasn’t sure what to think of that but she agreed. Once they left she spent a good ten minutes staring at her phone before summoning the courage to call Loki.

“Jane!” The phone barely rung once before Loki answered. “I was so…you left early and…” In the background Jane could hear voices that grew steadily grew quieter. There was the sound of a door being shut.

“After the night before I wasn’t sure you wanted to see me,” Jane said slowly, picking at a loose thread on the couch. There was a pause on the other end of the line. It was so quiet that for a moment Jane thought the call had dropped.

“I was…ungallant. Jane I-“

“It was a…weird moment,” Jane said. “I don’t think either of us new how to react.” 

“We should have at least talked,” said Loki.

“We could talk now…” There was another pause. “Sorry you’re probably in the middle of family stuff and I called you out of nowhere and-“

“It’s really good to hear from you. I, uh, called all our friends yesterday and may have sounded more panicked than I intended and…” Jane gave a small, soft chuckle.

“Carol and Darcy practically broke down my door today,” she said, leaning back on the sofa, “I didn’t tell them what happened.” Loki let out a sigh of relief. “How’s your Dad?”

“Better. He hates being sick so he’s constantly snapping at everyone. Thor is actually bearing the brunt of it. He’s fussing around like a mother hen. It’s…an unusual look on him.”

“Did you guys…talk?”

“Not really. He kept saying he was sorry. I think he means it but who knows what it will be like when we get back. His friends hold a lot of influence over him.”

“So you’re coming back?”

“What? Of course!”

Jane cringed at how needy she sounded. She hadn’t even realised how much the thought had worried her.

“Sorry that was a stupid question!” Jane said, “of course you’re not leaving forever…”

“Were you worried?” Loki asked. The teasing tone on his voice brought back memories of that night and with it a warm sensation.

“Yeah I was,” Jane said softly, “I know that’s stupid…”

“It’s not. It’s…thank you.”

Jane swallowed, weighing up whether she should circle the conversation back round. Just as she decided to go for it there was a sound on the other end of the line. 

“Haven’t you heard of knocking!” Loki groaned.

“Dad is asking for you?” The voice was a woman’s, unfamiliar to Jane.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

“Now!”

“Oh for- well at least let me finish my phone call!” There was a pause and then Loki added through gritted teeth, “in private.”

“Don’t take too long,” the woman said before evidently stalking off.

“Maybe I won’t make it back in one piece,” Loki sighed, “I’ll probably end up murdering my entire family before that.”

“Was that-?”

“My sister? Yes,” Loki sighed. “Hela was here when Thor and I arrived. It’s been over a decade since we’ve seen her and there she was by his bedside, didn’t even say hello. She did always have a flair for entrances.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all this,” said Jane. Based on what little Loki had told her about Hela she knew the situation regarding her relationship with their parents, especially Odin, was fraught.

“It’s fine. Or at least its temporary,” said Loki, “ the doctor thinks that my father can start moving around within a week and he won’t want everyone here crowding him so hopefully I can be home next week.”

Home. 

“Loki!” Hela called cutting through the warm feeling that the word had brought over Jane.

“I need to go. I will call you though…if that’s okay?”

“Yes totally. I just need to know one thing. What you said, about being sure since the day we met, was that…do you mean that? Or still mean it?” 

“I-“

“Loki!”

“Yes.” Jane paused, unsure if he was talking to her or Hela and just before she could ask he added, “Yes I meant it and I still do.”


	10. Chapter 10

Jane spent the next two weeks trying to fill her time up as much as possible to avoid dwelling on her last conversation with Loki.

_“What you said, about being sure since the day we met, was that…do you mean that? Or still mean it?”_

_“…Yes I meant it and I still do.”_

What the hell was she supposed to do with that? What did that even mean? Did Loki want to be with her or not? Answers were frustratingly out of reach and aside from a couple of very short messages saying he was okay, Jane barely heard from Loki.

Thankfully Erik had just given her a pretty tight deadline and so Jane was working ten hour days in the lab, surviving on sandwiches and coffee and shooting Darcy daggers when she raised the subject of Loki.

“Okay fine, don’t tell me,” Darcy said with hands raised, “but you’re going to turn that big, beautiful brain of yours to soup if you don’t start taking proper breaks!”

“I’m fine!”

Darcy harrumphed and spent the rest of the day muttering under her breath as she keyed in Jane’s calculations on a spreadsheet. Once or twice Jane thought she caught Darcy texting but in the next instant the phone has disappeared from view and Darcy was typing away. She braced herself for Maria and Carol to materialise at the door and spirit her away but they never showed so perhaps Jane had imagined it or Darcy had been texting a roommate.

She sent Darcy away at five and ignored her pleas to switch off and head home. An hour or so later the smell of Chinese food wafted through the lab and Darcy set a bag in font of her.

“You need to eat food that isn’t between two slices of bread,” she said, hands on hips, “and you need vegetables. You can’t finish your doctorate if you get scurvy.”

“Darcy-“

“Hush. Eat.”

Darcy began pulling out cartons of food. There was a mouthwatering Banmian soup, jiaozi, prawn crackers with a sweet chilli sauce and some pickled vegetables. To Jane’s surprise Darcy began dishing some out for herself too.

“I thought you had a thing on tonight?” Jane frowned.

“It can wait,” Darcy shrugged and gave Jane a pointed look, “I figured you could use a friend, even if you don’t want one right now.” Jane stared down at her food, feeling both guilty and touched.

“I’m a pretty shitty friend to you,” she mumbled, “and a pretty shitty boss.”

“I’m a pretty shitty intern,” Darcy laughed, “I was a total dick at the start of all this. No wonder I pissed you off.”

“Yeah but you learned and I should have been more patient.”

“Whatever. It’s over now and we’re all good.”

“Are we?”

“Yeah,” Darcy smiled and Jane felt some of the heaviness lift, “so if you wanna talk about anything or if you want a distraction I’m here.” Jane felt her throat tighten at Darcy’s words so she just nodded and smiled.

They carried on talking about random things, avoiding the topics of work and Loki. The latter was still felt though and once or twice Jane felt compelled to say something or at leats ask for advice. She couldn’t summon up the courage though.

“Couldn’t all this wait for the night?” Darcy asked once they’d finished. The sleepiness that follows a good meal was just starting to set in and honestly Jane couldn’t face any more work.

“Okay fine, you win,” Jane laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Darcy breathed a sigh of relief and headed off home with a spring in her step. Too tired to do anything else, when Jane got home she switched on the TV and poured herself a glass of wine. Flicking idly through the channels, and pointedly ignoring the sugary romcom, she landed on an old documentary she was only half interested in.

Jane’s eyes grew heavier as the voice over droned on until the trilling of her phone made her jump. The credits were rolling and the wine glass was empty. It took her a second to refocus and when Jane did she realised who was calling.

“Loki?”

“I just wanted to check in,” he said softly, like he was trying not to be overheard, “Darcy said you’ve been working really hard this week.”

The mystery of the sneaky texts was solved and Jane wasn’t sure whether to be angry or touched. She remembered their chat over meal and softened.

“Yeah it’s been intense,” said Jane, “how about you? Everything okay?” Loki sighed. “That bad?”

Loki paused and Jane heard the sound of him hurrying over a soft surface. He was outside by the sound the wind in the leaves.

“I’m just so…tired,” he said when he finally stopped. “At first there was just this awkward tension in the air between my father and Hela. She used to work at his company you know? Asgard and he sort of pushed her out and she still resents him for that. Thor wants to pretend everything’s okay and he and my father had a massive fight about something and then he just took off this afternoon. God know where. Mother says he just needs to cool down and she’s- I can’t believe I’m saying this - she’s decided that a party will make everything better.”

“A party?”

“Yup, a big family bash,” Loki laughed harshly. “It’s…well actually its very typical.”

Jane said nothing. She couldn’t think of a way to say “so you aren’t coming home this week after all?” that didn’t sound pathetic to her ears.

“Are you at least able to get some work done?”

“Barely, mother has roped me into helping her organise everything.”

“What’s the party for?”

“It’s a get well soon party for Father slash welcome home for Hela slash midsummer ball…thing?”

“Midsummer ball?”

Loki groaned and Jane muffled a chuckle with a hand over her mouth. 

“It’s just as ridiculous as it sounds.”

“Maybe it will be fun! Who’s going?” Jane asked, getting comfortable against the cushions and pulling a blanket over her. “Is it a family thing?”

“Yeah,” Jane could practically hear the face Loki pulled, “Bruce is coming thankfully and Eitri, another cousin from my father’s side. Eitri is an engineer, you’d like him, he’s always working on interesting things. I think my mother’s sisters might be coming but they always say they will and then cancel at the last minute. I think they’re always put off by the idea of spending time with my father. Speaking of which he’ll be inviting business associates and friends instead which is an absolutely dire prospect.”

“This party sounds huge,” said Jane, “and loud.”

“And I’ll be expected to make nice so I can’t even hide away,” Loki sighed, “I just hope Thor makes it back and is sober enough to stand. I can’t do this alone and it’s unfair to use Bruce as my emotional support cousin.”

“Do you want me to come?” Jane asked before she could stop herself. “Sorry that was stupid to ask I just thought you could use the support and-“

“More than anything,” Loki cut in, “but I care about you far too much to subject you to my entire family at once.” Jane made a small noise at his words, stuck for moment as her brain scrambled for something to say that wasn’t completely embarrassing.

“Oh,” was all she managed and Jane mentally kicked herself. 

“I know…I know it must seem to you like I don’t care,” Loki said slowly. “I know I’m coming across weak.”

“You aren’t! It’s just…hard,” Jane swallowed the lump in her throat. “I care about you too and I know you love Thor despite everything and hurting him would hurt you. That’s why you’re not…I mean why we’re not…” she trailed off, the words she needed to express herself staying stubbornly out of reach.

“There’s just a lot of…baggage,” Jane could hear him wincing. “Thor does care about you. He was with me when I got Darcy’s message and he was concerned you were working too hard too.”

“That’s nice of him,” said Jane, unsure how to respond. He’d always badgered her about working too much when they were together but it always seemed to come from a place of wanting her to be more fun or spend more time with him than it was out of concern of her overworking herself.

“I have to go,” Loki said, “Hela’s waving me in. God knows what’s wrong now.”

“I miss, you” Jane said quickly. The words tumbled out like she was afraid she would regret them.

“I miss you too.”

There was an awkward pause filled with many unnamed things before they both muttered goodbye and the line went dead. 

Jane slept better than expected, her body desperate to make up for the long days she had been working. When her alarm woke her up in the morning she resisted the overwhelming urge to turn it off and burrow deep under the covers. A shower and strong coffee went some way to getting her functional for work but nothing could have prepared her for stepping out her front door and almost stepping on Thor.

“What the-? How long have you been sitting there?”

“Only about…”he checked his watch, “an hour or two?”

Jane looked at him, speechless as her brain caught up.

“Why?”

“I needed to apologise to you”

“Thor-”

“I know you’re not in love with me and I know…about you and Loki.”

“There is no me and Loki.”

“I saw you leaving his room after I spoke to him at the vineyard.”

Jane flushed at the memory.

“Nothing happened.” Because you interrupted.

“But you wanted it to?”

Jane sighed and locked the door before heading out into the cool morning air. There was no way she was going to deal with Thor then and there. He jogged to her side, keeping step with her as she strode down the road, eyes straight ahead.

“It’s none of my business I know,” he said, “and after the way I treated the both of you I understand you’re not my biggest fan but I care about you and Loki and I hate to see both of you unhappy because of me.”

Jane stopped and turned to him with a frown.

“He’s miserable. He’s hiding it but he is and you’re working yourself to death which you always do when you don’t want to deal with your feelings.”

“I do not!” Thor fixed her with a skeptical look and Jane’s subsequent protest came out strangled so she marched off, red faced. It took very little effort for Thor to catch up. “I know Darcy had to trick you into a having a proper meal last night. I phoned her and she told me everything.”

“You what? And she what?”

“Okay she hung up on me three times and she didn’t actually say any of that,” said Thor, “but I overheard Loki on the phone to her before and pieced it together.”

“Why do you care so much now? I heard what you said at the vineyard and when you thought we were sneaking around you set your friends on him!”

“I’m trying to make it better,” Thor pleaded. “I know our relationship was about filling a need rather than us being two people who liked each other. I realise now all my relationships are like that. I don’t have anyone who can be honest with me.”

Jane looked at him, stunned. Perhaps he’d hit his head or something?

“What prompted this?”

“Since the thing with Loki I’ve been realising…there are things about myself I don’t like.” Jane raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue, voice unsteady. “The drinking, the fighting. What was that thing you told me once? Something about coping mechanisms.”

“I asked you the second time you got blackout drunk on a date whether you were trying to avoid something,” Jane said quietly, “are you?”

There was a faraway look in Thor’s eyes and Jane wasn’t sure if the memory had overtaken him or if finding the answer was proving to be a struggle.

“So what now? Are you giving me permission to date your brother or something?” Jane asked, hands on hips.

“No.”

“Good because that’s really messed up. I don’t need your permission to date anyone.”

“I know.”

“And neither does Loki,” Jane added.

“I know! I just wanted to apologise. Before I left.”

“Left?”

Thor sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“My father is retiring and he plans to announce it at the party tonight.”

“So you’re leaving to go and take over?” Jane asked.

“No I’m leaving so I won’t have to,” Thor said.

It took a moment to process everything Thor was saying and then a further moment as the implications hit Jane.

“So you’re leaving Loki to deal with all that?”

“He is much better at that sort of thing than I am,” argued Thor and Jane let out a harsh laugh.

“You don’t care about him at all do you? Do you know if he even wants this?”

“I…” Thor stared at the ground, mouth twisted in a grimace. Jane couldn’t even begin to know what to say. She wanted to scream at Thor but he looked so pathetic standing there.

“Everything okay?” Maria and Carol wandered up behind them, Carol looked ready to jump in between Jane and Thor while Maria was staring Thor down like her eyes could burn right through him.

The story tumbled out of Jane, her voice rising as it dawned on her that she might not see him again if he left University to work for his family’s company. He’d hate that, Jane was sure. The way he talked about his research and art made it obvious that was were his heart lay. He would chafe in a business setting, surrounded by people only interested in their money and reputations.

“His sister was calling him when we were finished speaking,” Jane said finally, “he must have found out after that. Fuck.” Jane tried calling Loki but it went straight to voicemail.

“So what do we do?” Carol asked, “he is great at sharing how he’s feeling and he has no support system there.” She shot Thor a dark look that made him shrink.

“Jane?” Maria asked gently, “you know him best. What should we do?”

“I’m going to keep trying him,” Jane said, “he has to pick up at some- Loki?”

“Jane now isn’t a good time,” Loki’s voice was both thick and quiet. It sounded like a stranger.

“Thor showed up, he told me about your Dad. Carol and Maria are here too. What do you need? Tell me how to help.” Jane’s heart pounded in her chest as the line went quiet.

“I need…Jane it really doesn’t matter what I need anymore. Thor’s made his choice and there’s no one else to help my father. He needs me.”

“So this is what you want?”

“No of course…I mean, what I want is irrelevant. I can’t have it. I couldn’t have it before and now…”

 _Me_ , Jane thought, _he means me_. Her breaths were shaky as she gripped the phone.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Jane tried but Loki just laughed, the sound bitter and harsh. It physically hurt to hear.

“Thank you for everything Jane,” Loki said after a pause, “Tell Maria and Carol too. You all saved me over the past month or so. I’ll be forever grateful.”

“Loki!” The line went dead.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and left feedback. This is the last big chapter but there will be an epilogue up on Friday!

“What do you want to do?” Maria asked as soon as the line went dead.

“What do you mean?” Thor asked, “Loki said he was staying right?” Maria shot him a dark look before turning her attention back to Jane who was standing there trying to take it all in. Loki was leaving, she was unlikely to ever see him again.

No, she was being melodramatic. 

Wasn’t she?

“Is he coming back?” Thor flinched at Jane’s words and the three stares that accompanied them.

“I…most likely no. My father always said that-“

“I want to go get him,” Jane turned to Carol and Maria, “I need to go get him. Oh god am I crazy?”

“Oh totally,” said Carol, “but in this case I think its the right call. Whose car are we taking?”

“Hold on,” Thor held up his hands, “are you seriously telling me you’re just going to drive off and stop Loki from taking this job? Why?”

“Because I…because he’ll be miserable. Because he’s only taking you father up on his offer because you’ve left,” Jane jabbed a finger at him. “Because he feels like he has to do it, he doesn’t want to.”

“Darcy’s on her way,” Maria waved her phone at them. “My car’s bigger, we’ll take mine. Are you joining?” she asked Thor who just scoffed. When none of them reacted his face went slack.

“You’re serious?”

“Deadly,” said Jane and the three of them began walking away. A moment later Thor jogged up beside them.

“This is a stupid idea,” he announced.

“Not that stupid or you wouldn’t have followed,” Jane snapped. 

Less than an hour later the four of them plus Darcy were squeezed into Maria’s car and they had just finished explaining what was going on to Darcy.

“Wow you just bailed?” she turned to Thor, crammed into the back seat between Carol and the window, “that’s harsh.”

“I…it wasn’t like that!”

“Sounds like it dude,” Carol muttered, “It sounds like you didn’t want to take responsibility. Wouldn’t it have been easier for you and Loki to go to your Dad together and like, talk to him?”

Thor said nothing, just pressed his lips together and stared sulkily out of the window. Up front Jane was largely ignoring the conversation in the back. Instead she was running through all the possible things she could say to Loki in her head.

“It’s going to be okay,” Maria said gently.

“I just…what if I can’t convince him? I don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

“I think driving non-stop for an entire day says plenty. But I also think that when it comes down to it you’ll know what to say.”

“Just tell him you love him,” sighed Thor, not looking away from the window, “you do don’t you? And he loves you. So why all this dancing around?”

Jane twisted around and fixed him with a glare.

“Why all this dancing around? You can’t be serious! It doesn’t matter how either of us feel when there’s a chance your friends will beat him up again!”

“Never again,” Thor turned to her sharply, his tone more serious than she had ever heard, “like I said before I want to be different.” His features softened a little. “I don’t want to be the reason you and Loki don’t feel you can be together.”

Jane turned back around with a groan, burying her face in her hands. It didn’t make any of it easier. Loki was unlikely to be convinced by Thor and would she be any more persuasive?

“That was beautiful,” Carol chuckled, giving Thor a nudge, “you practise that?”

“You should tell Loki that,” Maria cut in before Thor could argue. “Or at least something like it. It may take some convincing to get him to leave with us. Mull it over. It’s going to take us all day to get there.”

For the most part they either drove in silence or with the radio playing easy listening stuff that Jane tuned out. Her stomach was in knots and by the time Thor said they were nearly there she felt she was stewing in her own cortisol, her hands shaking and her mouth bone dry.

The sun was setting as Thor directed them down a tree lined private road.

“Are you fucking serious?” Darcy gasped as a manor house, set within sprawling gardens and a perfectly manicured lawn rose into view. It was much larger than the Vineyard and as they pulled up to the front, the driveway was filled with catering vans and people moving decorations, tables and lighting. Loki hadn’t been exaggerating about the size of the party. 

Thor directed them to park anywhere and he headed up the steps with purpose. No one questioned him as he entered and as a result the rest of them were allowed to pass by unremarked too. 

“Thor!” Frigga came sweeping down the main staircase in a glittering evening gown, arms outstretched towards her son. “I was so worried. Where have you been? You’re not even dressed! I had your dinner suit laid pressed and it’s all laid out for you. I’m so glad you’re-oh hello again ladies.” Frigga looked at the rest of them with polite confusion.

“Hello again,” Maria gave a polite nod as the only one of them not too embarrassed or intimidated to speak. “You look lovely.”

“Oh thank you. It’s just something I had whipped up-“

“Mother where’s father and Loki?” Thor cut in.

“They’re both in your father’s study. Why?”

“I think I should go in and speak to my father,” Thor turned to Jane and laid a hand on her shoulder, “you take Loki.” She looked at him in surprise. “You’re right. I mean, you’re pretty much always right Jane but particularly about this. I should face my father on my own. You need to tell Loki how you feel.” Maria and the others smiled at her as Thor was speaking and the knot in Jane’s stomach loosened a little.

“Thor what’s going on?” Frigga frowned.

“Mother could you look after my friends for a little while, just while I talk to father?”

“The party is starting soon!”

“Then they’re my guests!”

“It’s black tie!”

“Please just get them something to eat and rink, we’ve been travelling all day.”

“Oh Ma’am really its all right,” Carol said quickly but Frigga was already ushering them away. Jane shot them a sympathetic look before hurrying after Thor. It was easy enough to find Odin’s office, they just followed the sound of shouting. The only consolation was that neither of the voices ringing down the hallway sounded like they belonged to Loki.

Just as Jane was about to ask whether they should knock Thor charged into the room causing everyone inside to stop. A man and a woman stood almost nose to nose, mid-shout, their shoulders shaking from rage, hands balled into fists. 

“Oh fantastic!” The woman stood back, arms folded across her chest. Her voice was familiar to Jane from Loki’s phone calls. Hela. “Look who has decided to grace us with his presence at last. Poor Loki, looks like you’re out of a job already. That must be a record.”

“Jane?” Loki had been sitting on the sofa, hands clasped when they entered. “What you doing here?”

“Coming to get you.”

“Who is this?” Odin barked and for a moment Loki and Thor exchanged a look. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Jane extended a hand only for Odin to stare at it like she’d just offered up a dead animal.

“Jane Foster, sir.”

“You bought your girlfriend to argue with daddy for you Thor?” Hela sneered. Only Jane caught Loki swallowing and looking away.

“Not his girlfriend,” she said firmly, “I’m here to speak to Loki.”

“This is a family matter,” Odin snapped. “I don’t know why Thor brought you here but you need to leave.”

“I don’t want to take over from you Father and I don’t think Loki does either,” Thor said.

“He’s already agreed. And seeing as you ran away at the first chance to take any responsibility for this family perhaps that’s for the best. Unless you’re finally ready to grow up?”

“It cannot be that easy!” Hela practically yelled. “All that and you still want to give him everything. I have worked at Asgard since I was sixteen. I started in the lowest possible position ands worked my way up with you undermining me at every point. I know more about how this company works than anyone other than you and you still won’t give me a chance!”

“Hela enough! This is the kind of emotional outburst that tells me you lack the maturity to lead this company and ensure my legacy. Thor, if you’re back and ready to settle down then I will announce my retirement tonight. Loki is leaving his studies and will be there to help you. Together we will make sure-“

“No.”

Everyone looked at Jane. She hadn’t even meant to speak, it had just slipped out. Thor looked halfway between impressed and aghast, Loki looked like he was about to pass out and Hela just looked confused.

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude but-“

“Why are you even still here?” Odin demanded.

“Because I know Loki doesn’t want to leave. The way he talks about his research and his art, he’ll never be happy doing anything else!”

“And what does that have to do with anything?”

“Father,” Loki stepped forward but was silenced by a sound from Odin that was more shouting than words. A sick silence descended on the room.

“People are arriving,” Odin said eventually, “I expect you three to go out there, entertain our guests and to not embarrass me. I expect you-“ he jabbed a finger towards Jane “-to go.” Without another word he strode from the room, the door slamming behind him. 

“You’re right,” Thor looked at his sister, “you’re the best person for the job and he’s always treated you like you’re second best.”

“He’s treated Loki likes he’s second best,” Hela said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, “he’s always treated me like I don’t exist.” Loki let out a gasp-like laugh at her words. “You,” Hela nodded to Jane, “you’re brave you know? Swaggering in here and trying to put Odin in his place. That takes balls.”

“Why did you?” Loki asked Jane. There was a fragile glimmer of hope in his eyes that made Jane’s heart ache.

“I…I don’t want to lose you,” she said softly.

“Jane…there’s no arguing with our father. I am so sorry.” Loki slumped back down on the sofa.

“You’ll be miserable,” Jane crossed the room to sit next to him. She wanted to reach out and take his hand but Loki looked so on edge that she wasn’t sure if it was the right move.

“Miserable is this family’s default state,” said Hela. “I shouldn’t have come back. I just…I thought he’d finally see sense.”

“Now what?” Thor asked.

“You should change. Father will murder you if you spend the entire party in jeans,” said Loki, “Jane I’m sorry but for your sake you should leave. You drove all the way here?”

“Maria drove us,” Jane explained, “everyone’s here. I think your Mom is getting them food or something…” Loki’s eyes went wide.

“You all came?”

“Obviously! Loki, we care about you. I care about you.” Jane swallowed. _It’s now or never._ “I love you.” For a moment everything went still and fear seized Jane. He was going to say he didn’t feel that way. He was going to reject her, send her away and she would never see him again.

Thor coughed, pointedly.

“Say it back idiot,” Hela muttered.

“Could we have a moment?’ Loki asked through gritted teeth.

“We’ll listen at the door.” 

“They are unbelievable,” Loki rolled his eyes as the door clicked shut behind them. There was an obvious lack of footsteps after. He turned back to Jane, his whole body turned towards her as he took both her hands in his. “You deserve a lot better than this.”

“I just want to be with you,” Jane said. Her voice quivered and she squeezed his hands.

“I want that too,” Loki said, his voice low and quiet. For a moment Jane was struck by the sensation that overwhelmed her that night at the Vineyard. “I do love you. So much. But-“

Jane cut him off with a kiss. It was partly borne out of a longing that had been building since their first kiss and partly borne from fear that she would never get the chance again. Jane’s hands cradled Loki’s face, the kiss urgent and firm, like she was trying to pour all of her feelings into one point of connection.

“An excellent point,” Loki murmured when they broke apart. “But it’s just not that easy. Even if he bullies Thor into taking over, you heard him. I’m still expected to stay and help.”

“Can’t Thor just…give Hela the job once he takes over?” Jane asked. “He’ll be in charge. Your father won’t be able to stop him.”

“Well because…” Loki trailed off, brow furrowed. The door swung open, making both he and Jane jump.

“Why didn’t we ever think of that?” Thor groaned.

“It wouldn’t be that easy,” said Hela, “there’s also sorts of legal and contractual measures put in place.”

“You know what they are though right?” Jane said, “Could you find a work around?”

“It would take about six months or so,” she shrugged after thinking for a moment.

“I could do that,” Thor said. They all turned to look at him. “I can play along for six months while we get through all the red tape and then Hela takes over. Father will be out for too long to do anything.”

“You’ll need to replace half the board,” said Hela, “he’s got a lot of friends on there that will try and block you from making even the smallest changes. But…we could do it. First order of business will be firing Loki, leaving him able to go back with Jane.” Hela winked at them both.

“How will I justify that?”

“We’ll play it off as sibling rivalry or jealousy or something,” help stubbed out her cigarette. “No one will have trouble believing that! Don’t give me that look!”

“We’re really doing this?” Loki frowned, “when he finds out he’ll be furious.”

“When he finds out he won’t be able to do anything!” Thor said. “We all get what we want.”

“What will you do after?” Jane asked. Thor rubbed the back of his neck, looking sideways at Hela.

“Well I was hoping maybe you could give me a job?”

“At the company you’re giving up?”

“Yeah. A job I’ve earned. I want to do what you did. Start at the bottom.”

“What about the bar?” Loki asked.

“Volstagg has pretty much been running things since the opening,” Thor explained, “and honestly me and alcohol are not a good combination. I thought maybe I could take some time to figure out what I want to do, what I’m good at. Without getting any special treatment.”

“No chance of that once I’m in charge,” Hela said with a smirk. It softened into a genuine smile after a moment.”I’ll deny I ever said this but I’m proud of you. Of both of you,” she added, nodding to Loki. “Anyway I’m off to get drunk and revel in how delicious its going to be in six months time when Odin realises we’ve screwed him over. Lovely to meet you Jane!”

“She’s intense,” Jane said after Hela had gone, “in a good way.”

“I owe you an apology,” Thor said to Loki.

“You’ve already apologised,” Loki shrugged, “and doing this for me makes up for it.”

“i mean I’m sorry for everything. For treating you badly when we were younger. For nearly leaving you to deal with this whole mess. If Jane hadn’t convinced me to come I would have just run away.”

“Once father is out of the way we have a chance to make things better,” Loki said, “we should use it.” Thor nodded and Jane could have sworn that he blinked away a tear before mumbling about needing to go put his suit on. Then Loki and Jane were left alone.

“I can’t believe this,” Loki shook his head. “Thank you.”

“It’s all motivated by a selfish need to keep you with me,” Jane smiled up at him.

“It will be a couple of days before I can come back. Thor will need to wait a fraction of a second before firing me. Maybe we could stage an argument.”

Jane kissed him again, softer this time. There was no fear, they were going to be okay.


	12. Chapter 12

_One Year Later_

“May I present Dr Jane Foster!“ Erik announced and the room exploded in applause. Jane resisted the urge to cover her face and instead searched the front row for a beaming Loki. It was grounding to have him there. It had been grounding to have him with her while she submitted her thesis and then defended it. Whenever Jane had begun to doubt herself Loki had been quick to lift her up again.

After shaking hands with a bunch of strangers Jane was free to hug her boyfriend and escape to the drinks table where Darcy, Maria and Carol were waiting.

“So we can ask ‘What’s up Doc?’ now right?” Darcy was practically jumping up and down.

“You’re as bad as Loki.”

“Please tell me you’re not still ordering shit,” Maria laughed.

For the past month or so he’d been trying to get everything he could personalised with “Dr J. Foster”. Mugs, t-shirts, towels, pencils, wall hangings: you name it and Loki had tried to get it. It was both endearing and overwhelming.

“Apparently a personalised terrarium was Jane’s limit,” Loki said, wrapping an arm around Jane and pulling her close. “I will stick to boasting about her to anyone and everyone I meet.”

“You guys are disgustingly cute.”

“We are aren’t we?” Loki said, earning him a playful shove from Jane. Secretly though she enjoyed how open and free he was with his affection, how nothing felt like a competition between them.

Being in love with Loki felt like an adventure, like they were solving the mysteries of the universe together.

Not that Jane would ever admit something so sentimental or melodramatic out loud.

“Your sister was on the front page of Forbes looking smoking hot,” said Carol. “It sounds like Asgard is doing pretty well.”

“I’m not involved with the details but between them Hela and Thor have brought everything into the 21st century and my father has calmed down over the past six months. Mostly,” Loki added with a wince. Odin hadn’t taken Hela and Thor’s conspiring very well from what Loki had told Jane but they’d been careful up until the announcement that Hela was taking over and Thor was going to be running several of Asgard’s pro bono projects. Evidently a year at the top had given him some focus and he’d made a very convincing argument to Hela that he could effectively manage Asgard’s philanthropic efforts.

“Thor’s always been good with people,” Jane shrugged, “now he can put that to some actual good.”

“It’s been a pleasant surprise,” Loki added.

“Are things better between you?” Maria asked. Loki smiled and nodded but Jane knew how long it had taken to get to this point. It had been a hard road for all of them.

“Enough about my chaotic family,” he declared, “tell me what’s new with you two!”

It was half an attempt to steer the conversation away from his own family and half a genuine desire to know how they were doing, Jane knew. She wasn’t the only one who had gotten Loki back when he’d wrested free of his family’s grip on him. Two day after they had arrived back on campus, Loki had shown up at her door and found all of them in her apartment ready to ply him with hugs and make him swear not to run off again.

It had overwhelmed him and touched him in equal measure.

“Submitting my thesis next month if all goes to plan,” said Maria, “and then we’ve decided we’re going to take a year out and see the world before making our next move.”

“Which is?”

“Danvers-Rambeau Aviation,” Carol said, sweeping her hand across with a flourish. “Then after that it’s a wedding somewhere hot and after that the world’s our oyster.”

“Sounds like the dream,” grinned Jane and she felt Loki shift slightly next to her. Later on when Maria and Carol had headed back to their place and the party was winding down, Loki gently pulled Jane to one side.

“Did you mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“About weddings and everything else being the dream?” Loki cocked his head to one side, looking at Jane intently.

“Well yeah,” Jane blushed, “they’ve got work they love and they’ve got each other. They can do anything.”

“So do we.”

“We do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it, we're at the end! Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story and left such encouraging feedback ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> **I do not give permission for this work to be copied and reposted on any other platform. If you see this work anywhere other than here or my tumblr (@illegalcerebral) it has been STOLEN**


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